Wednesday, November 16, 2016

looking out for each other

I have been fighting a stubborn but not terribly awful cold bug.  The first few days I was simply fatigued. This was followed by a headache and sore throat so it seemed perfectly doable to play tennis on Monday, though I attempted to cancel but couldn't.

I may or may not have passed out while going for a shot.  I honestly don't think I did, but I had a very concerned audience plus several people checking in with me later.  It was very embarrassing and to top it off Robert and his mom came to rescue me so I wouldn't have to drive.  I slept for almost two days straight and am now feeling stuffy but much better. As much as I wanted to go for a walk tonight I curled up with some music and a good book instead.  Too risky.  

When you think you've merely sunk to your knees to regain your balance and clear the pounding from your head and then suddenly you have a crowd lifting you up, bringing you a chair and water, it makes you question not only your sanity but also your competence.  

To be burly and strong, composed and clear-headed.  And then suddenly completely unsure.  It makes you question everything.  

And it's really a good thing to question yourself, to look at your burly, clear-headed self and be aware that this isn't everything you are.  Knowing our boundaries is definitely an important component of self-preservation, but more important is that our boundaries make us vulnerable. 

We all need to be aware of our fragility.  That's a positive, heads-up, pay attention kind of thing.  But there's something else that's really special about what happened.  I think we're all looking out for each other more than we realize. Do I drop everything and help when I see someone go down in tennis?  Yes.  Why not expect others to do the same?   

Before tennis the other day I wouldn't have called any of the people that were there my friends.  Sure, we play tennis and enjoy each other's company, but we do not hang out beyond tennis.  

Today I feel differently.  Friendship has a little bit more depth to it.  Or a different side I hadn't considered.  

This feeling grew stronger today when a tennis player stopped by the library where I was working and asked how I was doing.  I didn't even see her on Monday, but she was there.  

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