everything from silkies to blankies

Going to try to do a weekly best moments kind of thing.  Although the next two weeks will be tough so no promises for a bit.  😆💩

Not sure who is a fan of The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy, but he wrote a new book.  I didn't love it like the first one, but I still enjoyed a few snippets here and there.  There was one page that was a great reminder of my achilles journey.

On that note, I officially reached level one of my return to jogging plan.  I didn't realize that when I was given the jogging plan my physical therapist wrote a level just for me.  Level 0!  When I was ready to move on to the next level (finally!) I saw the note on the sheet and had a pretty big laugh.  This is going to be quite the journey if level 0 kicked my patootie. 😂

I have not moved from a 16 something minute mile, but man I'm proud of it.  Prior to jogging I was doing 20-22 minutes, sometimes slower.  I am definitely moving faster.

Work has been much more manageable for everyone.  I am officially feeling like I can sink into the work and really enjoy the customers, my coworkers, and the incredible work created in our shop.  One of my recent favorite interactions was a small order but oh so big on charm.  A proud grandmother wanted some custom ribbons for her granddaughter who won some awards with her silkie chicken but did not get any ribbons.  One evening, as I was scrolling through emails and mockups I had the delight of seeing the initial mockup that one of the designers sent the customer.  It was too good not to do a quick screenshot for my gratitude journal.  

I had some lovely moments this week.  I ordered a cafeteria tray for myself at work.  I chose the one that had the most slots (five!) and have been having the best time choosing my five things each lunch.  I'm a kraut/kimchi/all things fermented person, and it makes for a happy gut.  I no longer worry about my very different pickled things touching each other.

I had a particularly tough PT session on Friday.  I walked out in the pouring rain and slothed my way to my car.  There was a familiar-looking car next to mine.  It was Robert!  He brought me a treasured cereal milk latte, which is a weekend only drink.  Robert said he was sad when he heard it was weekend only, but then the barista said that they count Friday as the weekend.  Heck yea!

I also designed my first keyboard ever!  I happen to know a keyboard geek, Josh who has made a handful of keyboards over the years.  He is not only a childhood friend of Robert's, but he also works with him.  He helped me customize a keyboard, everything from layout to how clackety clacking loud I wanted the keys to sound (Loud of course!).  The best part was picking the key colors.  I wanted to do a somewhat random layout.  It's very nerdy how I got a random layout so I won't go into all the details, but once I had all the colors, I was able to go key by key and make small adjustments.  I don't have the actual keyboard yet, but I took a picture of of one of the random sets of colors.

Lastly (it's been a big week), Robert and I bought a blankie just for Josie and put it on her living room dog bed.  Josie is one of those special dogs that digs around in blankets to make a nest (dogs who do this are THE CUTEST).  I've been on the lookout for something that's easy to clean, as close to golden retriever in color as possible, and also still snuggly.  We found the perfect blankie!  Naturally, Margo, who has an entire boat for her dog bed, took one look at the blankie and didn't understand that it was for Josie.  For a couple days, Margo, who loves her boat bed more than she loves her humans, only laid in Josie's bed.  Robert and I were a little grumpy about this but did not intervene.  Finally, at the end of the week, we walked into the living room and saw that Josie was fast asleep on her bed.  The only downside is that she just thinks it's an additional bed to move around.  We already have rugs everywhere for the dogs.  Now, more than half our living room floor is a patchwork of dog beds. 

Here is our lovely jerk of a dog, Margo claiming Josie's bed. 

And finally, Josie taking what's hers! (And Robert's foot)

We live very exciting lives here. 😆

Life Update

Since the last time I posted I've had two amazing art fairs, started tentatively jogging again, hired a full-time person, created a couple pieces of new art, and have been living life to its fullest.

A few weeks ago my physical therapist added jumping and some brief jogging, skipping, and lateral ski jumps into my routine.  I have also been doing some very brief jogging outside of PT.  Currently, I'm doing four to five sets of one minute of jogging and three minutes of walking.  It's been a slow journey.  I'll do one day then have some pain for a few days and then try again.  The goal is to be able to advance to two minutes of jogging after doing three of these jogs in a week with no pain.  I have some deeper pain (normal), and surface pain - bursitis over the scar tissue, cracking, and a wicked, persistent blister.  Though the deeper pain is the one to keep to a dull roar, the mixed bag of angry sensations in my heel has been unpleasant.  On days I'm not doing PT I walk around the house for a bit to see if I should do a jogging session.  No deeper pain and Robert and I drive up to the track at a local school.  I have not been cleared to jog on hard surfaces. If it's deeper pain with no surface pain I go for a walk with the dogs.  If there's any surface pain at all I do my mixed bag of yoga, pilates, strength training and some elliptical, which I can do in crocs (pretty much anything I can do without shoes or with the crocs so I'm not irritating all the boo boos).  I've also been swimming when everything is dry.  Sometimes all it takes is one short walk with the girls to get everything irritated again.

As you can imagine, this takes up quite a bit of time.  I feel like I can actually see tennis in my future again, so I am up for all of this weird, time-consuming exercise.  I am SO thankful it's summer and I can wear backless shoes a majority of the time.  Hopefully by the time it gets cooler I can wear shoes with backs without any misery involved.

When I haven't been focused on all the weird exercise, work has consumed much of my time.  We had a bunch of interviews, hired someone I feel hopeful about, and have been busy, busy, busy.  We are in our final week of getting all the swim and dive trophies, plaques, medals, etc. ready.  Hundreds of these awards!  We are also still moving things around, improving spaces, organizational methods, and processes.  We are keeping our part-time person, so the new full-time person needs my desk.  So where to put my desk?!?  I am going to sit out front in our POS area, which will work out just fine.  I mentioned to Robert about wanting something for my desk, and he made a really good point.  He asked, "when do you actually sit at it?"  We are very fortunate to have a job that keeps us on our feet.  I still want to nest in my new spot, because I am a nester, but I don't have to give it 100% of my devotion.  

I've also been making art!  So much art!  I found a couple new entryways into the mystery so to speak, and have been trying out different techniques and also having an easier time telling the part of me that demands order and organization to shush it.

It's been a lot of very intense, in-depth, all-consuming work, and I think I'm ok with this.  When I sit down it's usually to sleep.  I'll try to post some pictures, reviews, and other this and that soon!

The Good Kind of Busy

It has been a busy, busy past few weeks.  We unfortunately had to let one of my employees go, and we continue to have an abundance of orders.  There was one week in February where we slowed down, but that has been our only break since October.  The good news is I have one employee who is a go-getter and just an all-around amazing person.  We also both enjoy the work and have a good sense of humor about the moments when the shit hits the fan.  We also have someone who is interested in part-time work who is starting soon.  This has enormously lowered my stress levels.  It gives us time to spread the word about the open full-time position, eases the workload, and this person is someone I think N and I are going to work really well with.  

On that note, if you know of someone who lives in the Kansas City area and loves learning new things, problem solving, building and creating awards, gifts, and pieces of art, and most importantly is someone who is accountable and really going to care deeply about our customers and projects, I am hiring!  It's also a really fun place to work.  Both N and I bring our dogs to work, we usually have music going, and are really collaborative in spirit.  Plus the customers and their stories are everything. 

I also had an art show that I just wrapped up literally today!  I don't know if this is the typical artist experience, but I just keep having these incredibly amazing experiences with showing my work.  I have been so fortunate to meet such beautiful, artistic, and caring souls with each opportunity.

Having an art show at Beggars Table was an experience I'm never going to forget.  The whole setup and how they do it is a dream.  It is both a church and gallery, which is quickly becoming my favorite combination.  This is the third church I've seen recently that also supports the art community.  I was so nervous for the First Friday reception!  But Beggars Table has "hosts" for artists, who seem more like buddies than hosts. My two hosts, Andrew and John, were there for every question I had and super supportive.  During First Friday, Andrew (who has the unicorn job of bookmobile librarian) and I chatted off and on the entire evening.  It was so nice to talk about books with him inbetween all the times I worked up the courage to thank people for coming.  

In addition to First Friday, Beggars Table invites their artists to a Sunday service during the time their artwork is up and gives them time at the end of the service for an artist talk.  It was a beautiful place to have service, and the music was particularly lovely in the space.  I had lots of opportunities to talk to people about anything and everything relating to art.  Robert and I then took down the artwork today.  I will be encouraging all the artists I know to apply for a show at this gallery.  In addition to prints, I sold five originals, which I'm over the moon about.  I even got to meet just about everyone who bought an original, with the exception of one piece.  

As with a lot of moments where I'm trying to be fully present, I failed to take pictures.  But I do have a couple from our setup day.

Aside from work and the art show, I have been spending some time getting ready for my first art fair this year - the Artsfest in Springfield, Missouri.  I so enjoyed going last year with Robert, I told him there's no way I'm not applying again.  It's such an artsy town that's very dear to me.  When I was growing up, it was the place my family went to once a year to visit their mall (a mall that is still standing surprisingly), and it was the first place I lived when starting my college journey.

This year for Artsfest I will have new prints, a few new originals, stickers (which I've had many requests for and finally caved, and now hell I get it), and hopefully notebooks, but we are struggling to get the details finalized on these, so I may bring them out at my next art fair.  We shall see.

It's been very busy but the good kind of busy.  I should be able to devote some time to blogging and time to reflect and relish all the good that's come our way.

hillbilly ingenuity & teamwork

Another week has passed, and we are still not caught up at work.  Chris caught the nasty stomach bug virus, which took him out in the middle of some time-sensitive jobs, including a trophy rebuild with diamond tip engraved brass plates.  I am incredibly thankful this is the first time one of us has gotten sick.  It's a miracle we've made it this far into the season without sickness.  Robert also jumped in and helped out, which was very helpful.

Chris is the only one of us who really has a good grasp on our two diamond-tip rotary machines.  Training has been slow due to the high workload.  Though we have laser engravers, uv printing, and sandcarving, we still get quite a few orders for good ol' fashioned diamond tip engraving.  I actually prefer it myself because it looks so dang classy.

Robert, like some kind of superhero, jumped in and taught himself one of the machines so that we could complete the rush order.  The rush order was one of our unusual jobs.  The customer found a beautiful solid walnut trophy on Craigslist that had plastic perpetual plates.  The customer wanted to change those out for brass.  Naturally the plastic plates were a custom size, so we needed to cut them in house.  So Robert learns the machine, and I'm trying to cut brass on our cutter that is still slightly off (no time to adjust it).  Robert needed to go to work at some point, so he comes back at the end of the day to help drill the holes in the plates and figure out how to engrave the larger header plate on the diamond tip rotary, which looks like it's made to engrave smaller things.

It's 7:30 at night when we realize the holes for the plates are all lopsided and not perfectly equal, which meant each plate needed to be drilled the same way as the plastic plate it was replacing.  I had already taken the plastic plates off, so then I had to figure out their order, and then one by one we matched the holes, drilled them, and put the brass plates on.  I'm pretty sure everyone knows how much I effing hate puzzles, so I was dropping curse words left and right.

Anyone reading this blog, if you have a beautiful, solid walnut trophy, please do not add plastic plates to it.  Also, it's never a good idea to drill holes in things if you're drunk.  Sober up and use a leveler, ruler, anything to make sure those holes line up with one another.  

The whole situation was funny as hell though, and we were very tired, so we managed to laugh our way through the whole process.  And thankfully, the customer was not only thrilled with the trophy but went to high school with Robert!  Also, the customer needed the trophy for a party that was cancelled due to the snow.

There hasn't been any word on when Chris is coming back, but both Robert and I have been sitting on pins and needles to see how one properly engraves a larger plate on the diamond-tip engraver.  I cannot wait to see Chris' expression when I describe the process.  I feel very confident we are going to be laughed out of the place.

Look at this fine display of hillbilly ingenuity.  We took a spare wooden block leftover from balancing our shelves and taped the holy heck out of it with multiple tapes.

We also had our first wave of Pinewood derby trophies to build and a handful of other jobs that were Chris' projects in addition to our own projects.  We had some beautiful (and slightly crazed) teamwork going on that I am very proud of.  I think we are all ready to get to a quieter place where we can properly train on the machines we're not comfortable with and about 150 items on the to-do list.  

Robert and I have been home to sleep and sometimes for an hour in the morning or evening but that's it.  Our dogs take advantage of every moment we are still!  Both have turned into champion cuddlers, and because it's winter time, they both want to sleep in our bed as much as possible.  I love each season for lots of different reasons.  I think my favorite thing about winter is having the dogs with us through the night.

helter skelter

We are still incredibly busy at work with no real lull on the horizon.  This is only my second year, so it's tough to tell at this point how long it takes to claw our way out of the end-of-year awards.  It's good to be busy, but we still haven't melded as a team, my crew hasn't had proper training, and survival mode has the shop looking a bit helter skelter.  At one point Nini was setting aside some food packaging from her lunch and asked if I was a fan of beautiful food packaging.  Robert who happened to be there, asked me, "does she know you're an artist?"  Nope!  We only really know the basics about each other at this point - I'm the only one who likes coffee, Chris has two super busy teens, Nini is a new homeowner and thinks opossums are adorable.  That's about it. 😂

Add three mornings of PT and still not being able to drive to the mix, and it's been bananas.  I had to ask my poor mother-in-law to run and grab some last minute awards at one of the warehouses in town!  She saved the day!

I'm hoping that I can drive soon.  I've been doing over a hundred heel raises a day thanks to my stand-up desk at work, but it's been a tough go getting my ankle to flex again.  This means I still can't press the pedals down in the car, let alone panic stop.  But soon! 

I don't have a lot of free time at the moment, but thanks to being finished with my degree, I can give what I do have back to my art.  I've been tucking into it with the ferocity of of a thunderstorm.  A few things look like they need to be scraped and sanded back down.  Too much enthusiasm too fast equals disaster for me.

Thankfully there's still sewing, which cannot be done thunderstorm style.  I don't have any progress pictures of this piece, because it went by fast all the way until the end, and then it turned into the devil.  It took about six tries to balance the heaviness of the darker blues.  I actually mapped this one out, but it still surprised me!

Margo hard at work

Can you spot the Margo?

We temporarily moved Margo's bed to the small nook below the shipping station.  It was meant for extra boxes, but Margo loves it so much we decided to just find another place for the boxes.

If she's not beneath the shipping station she's beneath N's desk.  It took her only seconds to figure out who her favorite human was out of the three of us working there.  I'm not even surprised it isn't me.

And if she's not beneath N's desk, Margo is with customers.  She can usually convince customers to open her gate.  And sometimes, she can even convince them to sit on the floor with her.

2026

If I had to pick one word for 2025 I would choose the word, "challenging."

It was full of weird, rocky, and sometimes absolutely brutal blessings disguised as anything but.  I think I'm a little more open-minded to riding out the chaos without screeching like a pterodactyl in distress before I see what comes out of it.

Here are my 2026 Resolutions:

* Ask more questions but also listen more and better.

* When in doubt, humor it out.

* Once I'm able to, look for volunteer opportunities.

* Do everything in my power to become more comfortable in my body.

* Many, many breathing exercises.

* Find new avenues to keep family in life and don't give up.

* Get accepted into at least one art fair/opportunity (this one's a little bit out of my control).

* Keep working on my chapbook.  I've got it submitted to a few places, but if it comes back, fiddle some more.  Last year I grew comfortable with how my work isn't cohesive as a whole.  All of it together up may not work.  But first I try.  At some point next year I need to make the decision to divide and conquer.

* Keep creating things and encouraging others to do so.

* Business Goals: transition to CRM w/inventory of bigger awards, grow some, say yes or find answers to everything that's brought in, fiddle with showroom setup, add new things every time something old leaves, create last-minute awards case & Buy It Now area, extend hours (done!) and update hours everywhere (a surprising number of places), organize backroom to better suit different areas of work, update HVAC system even further and add vent hood to sublimation area, overhaul the website.

* Travel at least once with the nerd for nothing but pleasure.

* Work on not being so damn reactionary (just the stress noises and negative stuff like cursing).

* Read as much as I can, whenever I can, and write reviews for all the good books.

* I'm not even going to add tennis to next year's goals.  My first big goal is going for long walks when I'm able to.  Once I'm through PT, my plan is to hire a trainer to help me make sure I'm doing everything right and enough of everything right.

* Embrace cuddle mornings more.

2025

I don't normally do recaps, but 2025 was quite the year.  I can't say that I've grown a ton, but what I can say is that I am in the process of growing in some different ways I wasn't expecting.

This year:

* Robert and I bought an Awards/Personalization business (after shadowing a few months).  Though it was like the flip of a switch as 2024 ticked away the seconds into 2025, Robert and I were already hard at work, cleaning up the building, asking customers what they loved and wished we could do, asking our employee what things she wanted to change and things she didn't want to change.  I was scrubbing down bathrooms during the 2024 holiday break (before we realized we could squeeze bathroom refreshes into the budget).  So when January 1st came around it was both a big day and also just another day.

* We became commercial landlords due to buying the property along with the business.  Really this just means we will never have a snow day as long as we own the property and have a tenant next door.

* We not only bought the business but purchased some new machines for the business after traveling to Las Vegas for the APA conference.  The machines started arriving in March.

* We also refreshed the building - changed out all the slatwall in the showroom, added copious amounts of technology (security cameras, lights, smart outlets, monitors where we can see what's going on out front while we're in the back), overhauled the entire HVAC system for both our shop and the doctor's office next door, added/replaced storage in the back, stripped the bathrooms and tiny kitchen down and replaced everything.  We even added a door with a window in our workroom because there isn't a single window in the back, which is where we work 90% of the time (and one of the changes our employee asked for).

* Robert and I moved my dad to our city, got him about 80% moved in, and then had the unfortunate outcome of my dad saying the hell with us.  This caused some family drama that nearly consumed me.  But on the days it still gets me down I ask myself, would I do it again knowing the outcome?  Absolutely.  I know from outside sources he's happier, healthier, no longer isolated, falling, or unable to take care of himself.   

* I did two art fairs this spring, connected with people and their stories, sold some art, and watched as the weeds from my imposter plant blossomed some.

* I started seeing a G.I. doctor willing to help solve the cause of my symptoms, rather than just the symptoms.  He even referred me to Mayo, where I got even more help.  Took most of our summer, but I am on the right path.  I have a whole list of things I want to do again or try in my life that I thought I wasn't going to be able to do, and I'm getting closer to being able to tackle that list.

* Robert and I celebrated 20 years of putting up with each other.  

* I completely tore the shit out of my right achilles.  A day before my surgery I got a call from the hospital asking if I would be a part of a yearlong psychological study for people with achilles injuries.  They told me they were looking into the psychological impact of the injury, and gave me one of the most depressing and complicated surveys of my adult life.  I was just starting the hard work of all the things that went into my gut issues, trying not to drown in the family drama, nearing the end of my MLS degree, and still completely immersed in my first year as a business owner.  Just the act of someone asking me to be a part of a yearlong psychological survey process for what I considered a small blip in the grand scheme of things felt like the last of the wind being kicked out of me.  But honestly, each time I was absolutely consumed with despair during the initial healing after the surgery I thought about being a part of that study, and I knew I wanted to fucking win it, whatever that looked like.  Maybe that's the whole purpose of the study?  

* After getting through the bed rest part of my healing journey, I came back to work (after working from home during the bed rest) and discovered my one employee was fighting her own battle and was going to need to quit her job.  Robert and I immediately started the interview process, and I buckled down and tried to learn everything I was hoping to learn in year two of owning a business.  I failed spectacularly at this, but everything I've learned has been needed, and it took my mind off the injury.  

* So far the two employees I've hired have been incredible in their own ways.  One is absolutely fearless and willing to problem solve and make anything.  He even modeled two trophy toppers out of clay for a customer.  The other employee came right in, nested on the first day, filled the kitchen cabinet with her foods, learned sand carving in one day, and is incredibly wonderful with people.  She reminds me of a couple people I worked with at the library.  Any time they interacted with patrons I was right there taking notes.  So that's what I find myself doing again!

* I turned 40 in the midst of all of this.

* I officially got my Masters in Library Science.  

* I finally got to see Sara Groves!

One wedge at a time

There really hasn't been much to blog about and not a lot of time to blog.  Last week I took out wedge #2 of my boot.  Two more wedges to go!  I have been working weirdly hard at cutting back to one crutch for about half the day.  Between half of me not knowing what to do if it doesn't have a crutch, not being blessed with coordination, and the wound gremlins waking up sometime in the afternoon, the one-crutch journey has been a hot mess, but I'm proud of those half days of one crutch.  I've been told I'll be walking without crutches by December 13th and I may be out of the boot by January.  I've been doing some absolutely ridiculous workouts, but I can almost do crow pose due to the extra arm strength.  A crow in a boot!

Last week was our first week without J, the graphic designer who worked at my shop fifteen years.  It was just me and new employee #1 and Robert running around doing all the errands.  Robert successfully switched over the scratch engraver software to a new computer and mounted the computer on the machine.  This allowed us to get rid of the desk the monitor was sitting on.  We brought in a new old machine, an old Gravograph that my first new employee plans to use for some of the trickier engraving jobs.  We have two new desks ordered, one to replace the much-too-big table our cutters sit on and another one for our next new employee, who is starting December 1st.  Robert put up the rest of the shelves in the back, ordered a few more, and we're on track to finish much of the renovations by the end of the year.  I plan to do a mega post of all the work we've done in the past year once it's all done.

I turned in the last assignments for one of my three classes and have the list of things I need to fix on one of my two final projects from another teacher.  I doubt I will hear anything back from my other teacher.  I've heard of so much tragedy in the last few months, all people I barely know, and I feel such a weird mixture of horror, gratitude, shock, sympathy, and doom.  One of my teachers hasn't been present much this semester and she finally shared a terrible cancer diagnosis with us.  Each bit of bad news easily eats me up some nights, which is when I'm most vulnerable to anxiety.  Sometimes there's nothing anyone can do.  It's interesting how we know this, but there's still a part of ourselves that thinks we should be able to do something.  I'll take my achilles injury over every single piece of bad news I've heard recently.

I graduate soon.  Work is terrifically overwhelming at the moment, but I still enjoy going in each day.  I haven't been making too much art or poetry lately, but I've also been sleeping when I have spare time, and I've decided I'm ok with this for the time being.  Life is surprisingly good in this new chapter of whatever book of constant change we've been living.  Heck, there's a chance the furniture may arrive before the Thanksgiving break, and Robert and I can put it all together during the four day weekend (there's a surprising amount of shit I can get done just by waving one of my crutches around).  But we'll take all the good things we have going right now, furniture or no furniture.  

survival, humor, and absolutely packed days

Naturally, now that I am using the scooter only when absolutely necessary does Josie make friends with it.

Margo on the other hand, continues to only have deep, deep loathing for it.  Look at that glare!  How dare this rolling demon monster be in my way!

There's not a lot to report here.  Just survival, humor, and absolutely packed days.  Two of my three classes have final projects, and as of today I have submitted my rough drafts of each.  Now I'm just waiting for feedback so that I can finish them.  My other class has only been discussion posts about the plethora of library services out there for older adults.  I imagine there will be some larger assignment at the end, but it hasn't been posted yet.

I have officially hired one person, and tomorrow I am hoping to hire the second person.  Both will be responsible for graphic design and production, and I think it will help to have two people sharing that load.  In the meantime, I have been learning the bare basics of graphic design, ensuring I know how to run all the machines enough to provide basic training, thinking through all the ins and outs of training, and learning how to onboard two employees with their own unique schedules, skills, preferences etc.  I'm nowhere near ready, but the person I have already hired has worked in personalization before and has loads of skills, humor, and enthusiasm.  He is also starting tomorrow!  And he'll have a week with our current graphic designer before she leaves.  

I haven't made any huge strides with my injury.  I think the next big moment will be taking out another lift in a week or two  I definitely feel more comfortable with the crutches though, and have started enjoying pointing at things for Robert to do with one crutch.  He absolutely loves this btw!  The biggest hurdle I have right now is just how unbelievably tired I am.  If I had the time right now I could easily sleep 10+ hours a day.  I couldn't sleep when I was on bed rest, but now that I'm up and about, I'm ready to sleep.  Isn't that how it always goes?

I can finally see some time to slow down on the horizon.  It's definitely a ways off, but the outline of it is there.

Margo's big feelings

It's been all about Josie lately, but Margo would like to say she's recently had some great moments too.

Margo dressed up for possibly the last time for work, and it was an adventure.  Since Margo started going to work at my shop, she has had a soft spot for J, who is leaving soon.  I've never tried to dress up either dog, but when J said she wanted to dress up Margo, I said why not.  Margo loves J, so I wasn't too surprised she let J dress her up a few times for our social media.  This last time was a riot, because Margo was just as patient as ever, but we couldn't keep her wig on.  Margo loved the attention, everyone had some great laughs, and Margo got a toy out of the deal.

Can you guess who Margo was for Halloween?  

If anyone guesses Wednesday Addams, you are correct!  Margo has a dark sense of humor, so the role was a good fit for her.  Her toy Thing is her new best friend and just like her toys at home, she uses the squeak sound to express when she's having big feelings.  Thing's squeaker is kinder to the ears than Hamburger, which lives at home and has long, squalling, shrieking squeaks.  I've tried to hide Hamburger numerous times with no luck.  When Margo is having a big feeling, her hamburger radar goes off, and she can find it anywhere.

We recently installed a gate for Margo at the shop's front counter.  Robert and I have been back and forth about whether to get a gate since the beginning.  She's so well-behaved and listens to commands.  But she is also a leaner who wants to be the first one to greet customers.  Some customers do not want a dog leaning into them or laying on their feet.  So Robert and I got her a gate, and it's been wonderful.  She can be the first one to greet customers, and the customers who want her in their business can open the gate.  I'm just waiting for the day Margo brings her Thing to the gate for a customer!  She has squeaked it from the back a few times when customers come in, but if anyone hears it, they are too polite to inquire.

Margo is the best leaner I've known.  The perfect dog to take on a long walk or sit with on the porch for hours.  She is not big on cuddles.  But yesterday, after making some successful strides with my two big final projects for school, Margo cozied up to me.  We were at Robert's office so he could get some work done while having his support team nearby.  Unlike my office, Robert's office has a couch, which is where Josie hangs out when she goes to work.  I knew if I sat on Josie's couch, she was going to cuddle with me.  But after a while she left, and Margo decided to jump up and do some cuddling herself.  She stayed up so long we thought we were going to miss dinner and have to stay the night.  It was such a rare moment we didn't want to ruin it.  

Balancing

My first week of crutches has been challenging, but I haven't had any spills so far.  I started out putting weight only on the tip of my foot, which my physical therapist said was ok for the time being, but that I needed to be able to plant my entire foot with each swing (25% weight-bearing of course).  I tried for three days and the heel pain felt similar to being socked really hard with a blast of stars and electricity spreading.  I was so disappointed and wondered if I needed to fight through it but decided to keep trying each day and wait until Friday to talk to the physical therapist.

Today when I swung and lightly planted my heel I felt absolutely nothing.  Only toward the end of the day did I have some of that pain.  I'm hoping I'll be ready to take a wedge out soon.  I've also started up my workouts again with an emphasis on the exercises from my physical therapy.  I feel a little more connected to myself, which is even more important during this big change at work.

I've been setting up interviews left and right, learning as much as I can at work (I officially know how to measure fonts, make trapezoids, and have been learning to use the Bézier tool like a ninja, a slow slow ninja), and still tackling my classes (though much of my enthusiasm, life force, and effort have been consumed elsewhere).  

All is well for the moment.  It helps so much that my healing is evident, we have interviews lined up, I've got Robert's support, my school assignments have been manageable, and I'm getting some of the graphic design basics down.

If there wasn't enough proof that I'm healing, Josie has gone back to mostly snuggling with Robert at night.  He is, after all, her favorite, so I expected this to happen.

Thankfully, she still occasionally picks me.  

Look at that smile!

all the emotions including trench foot

This past week has been a rollercoaster, one I'm stuck on for better or worse (unless the ride catches on fire or another of those catastrophes social media likes to show me sometimes).  I'm choosing to put my faith in the journey of the ride.

I've been scooting around this week like my ass is on fire (when really the fire is just my healing wound).  I started PT on Monday and have been informed warned that when I graduate from scooter to crutches I need to do everything in my power to be faithful to the crutches and not cheat with the scooter.  I've also been told that wearing any kind of bag will affect my gait and ability to learn how to walk again.  As soon as I heard this news I made a list of things I needed to get done before I become more dependent on others than I've been at any point of this journey thus far.  It will only be a few weeks they said (a few weeks?!?!?), but this means no more book journeys where I try to squeeze 20 books into my scooter basket.  No more carrying even a clipboard around when I help customers.  Hell, I could even vacuum on the scooter (but don't tell Robert). 

I also found out Monday I am losing my beloved graphic designer at my business due to her own health issues.  Not sure if you remember my recent post about my gut issues and how anxiety will find ways to kill us if we don't watch it?  Well, this is a similar story, and hopefully she finds a way to slay her anxiety beasts as well.  I've learned about two million things from her over this past year, but I have about four million more to learn.  I am now scrambling to write job descriptions, put out the word that I'm hiring, and setting up interviews, all while trying to learn all the ins and outs of the two lasers, Corel (which is the software we use at the shop), and so many other things in addition to staying on top of my other shop duties.  

During my injury Robert has stepped in too, helping me every chance he gets.  He's already been working two and a half jobs.  He's been the best thing.  Twenty years with this nerd, and I'm still thankful for him every day (when I'm not bitching about socks).

So yes, I've also had strong whiny brat feelings about the socks that were recommended when I transitioned to the boot - soccer/softball socks, which are tall enough for the outer boot and the inner ice sock and more importantly, breathable.  I can tell you right now that any desire I've ever had to become a softball or soccer player at any point in my life (zero up to this point) is forever squashed going forward.  These socks are complete nightmares.  I wear both leggings and skinny jeans no problemo.  But these socks are so tight (even though my calf has shrunk to the size of a grape and the socks are XL mens).  My calf is so incredibly sensitive the slightest pressure feels like a blood pressure cuff at its tightest.  

Robert finally caved yesterday and gave me one of his stretched out socks.  It was much better.  I proceeded to dust the entire showroom yesterday and do some production that required me to stand up with my scooter and had zero issues with the calf pressure.  Dusting the showroom was the right move too, because the HVAC folks recently descended on the building, which means much poking around, moving ceiling tiles, throwing dust, dirt, and dead bugs all over our black shelves and merchandisers.  HVAC visits are normally a chance for me to practice my creative cursing, but yesterday I just felt like an enraged, deflated mylar balloon, trailing my scooter and massive booted leg behind me.  Not sure if you've ever seen a birthday balloon fighting the limbs of a tree.  That's pretty close to how I was feeling.

Naturally, Robert's old sock gave me a case of trench foot.  God bless him, he's such a giver.  

So yea, I had PT this morning, and the first thing we did was take the boot off.  My incision is still weeping, so we've been keeping an eye on it.  The boot and sock came off, and the physical therapists both gasped and asked what happened.  The only thing Robert and I could think of was the sock, which had only been on my foot for 24 hours.  They took some pictures and messaged the doctor.  There were a few uncomfortable minutes where the physical therapists turned away from us and started whispering to each other.  I've never had trench foot before.  Apparently the physical therapists have never seen trench foot before.  Robert went into frantic Google-Fu mode, which is when he starts chewing the collar of his shirt while staring intently at his phone screen.  Meanwhile, I started to quietly panic.

Finally, the news came back from the doctor, and the tension eased up some.  Instead of spending the rest of the session teaching me how to use crutches, the physical therapists talked to me about socks while bending and squeezing my sad, bloated white foot in the spot that wasn't claimed by trench foot.  Needless to say, I cannot progress to 25% weight bearing because my heel is where the worst of it is.  So I will be on the scooter (and the dreaded soccer/softball socks are here to stay) until at least next week when we check on the trench foot.

I've had such unusual off and on pains in my heel, I didn't even think there was an issue.  When the doctor did my surgery he had to go into my heel and also up my calf due to the severity of the tear.  I just assumed it was a bunch of miserable healing going on down there.  

For now, Robert and I have been tasked with changing my sock several times a day and airing out my foot when I can be completely still and have Robert around to help me get the boot on and off.  The combination of these two things is the equivalent of finding gold at the end of the rainbow right now, but hell we're going to try.

I have been riding such a wave of emotions, trying to stay on top of everything.  I completely lost my cool after realizing I emailed a customer with a day later than planned on with his Christmas order of all things.  The work order simply got scooted over on my desk.  I attempted to storm off on my scooter, fell into a metal shelf (better that than my bum foot), and immediately chastised myself for losing my cool (as one does).

I honestly thought that one email was a sign I was going to fail all these new missions.  Thankfully, Robert was once again there for me, reminding me to give myself some grace.  I usually listen to music every day, any chance I am alone, since I like it loud and pumping through all the speakers in the house.  Music is how I heal.  It's my fuel, and how I relax.  When I was at the PT appointment today a Destiny's Child song came on (thankfully not during the trench foot moment so I don't have to think about rotten feet every time I listen to their music in the future), and I could feel all my working muscles relaxing.  I knew right then that I needed to take a break and think things through tonight while listening to some extra loud music.  I decided to sit down and write it out, face the music so to speak, and accept this new challenge that I have been given.  So I'm scrounging up some grace, both for myself and my work, creating some gentle wind to untangle myself from the trees.  Trench foot, interviews, learning first.  Second, let go and ask for help when I'm on the crutches.  Third, everything else.

Meanwhile, humor and grace.

And...finding the best person to tackle graphic design and production with me.  If you know of anyone in the Kansas City area looking for an amazing job opportunity that comes with a daily dose of golden retriever and all the feels and happiness that comes from amazing and thankful customers, please give me a shout. 

stupid drunk on the hope

The small celebration in my last post has opened up into this ginormous, blooming hope.  Wednesday night I woke up and realized my toes were uncomfortable.  It was a weird feeling.  I realized both that they were uncomfortable and that I really hadn't felt them since before the surgery.  I lay there in the dark pondering what to do.  Should I move them?  What if it was painful and the pain kept me up the rest of the night?

I took a chance.  I wiggled them.  Just the small toes, mind you.  I learned the day of the injury that there was something about moving the big toe that caused bright white pain, so that's going to be something I work on later.  

So yes, I wiggled my toes and nothing happened!  I was strangely elated.  Our bodies break.  But they also heal too.  It's tough to remember that second part during the times we're broken (or in self pity's chokehold).

The next day I felt some of the weight leave the leg.  It went from cement anchor while I waited for the nerve block to wear off.  Each move took effort from the rest of my body - "Here you go leg - here's a boost!" shouted the rest of me, from my teeth to hips.  Then there was just this heavy, throbbing weight.  And on Thursday it became, almost miraculously overnight, just a leg in a splint.

Where did I read that beautiful piece about celebrating just being alive.  Oh yes, that remarkable book I can't stop talking about, A Perfectionists' Guide to Losing Control.  The author's toddler daughter was wondering why they were having a party, and the author replied, "'You know why we're having a party? Because mommy is trying really hard at something! We're having a trying party!'"  Lots of weird parties here, the latest being a toe wiggling party. 

Josie has been doing hard work too, taking care of me.  She has been in bed with me more times than not.  She leans her body against the injured leg, sometimes uncomfortably so, but who can say no to such a sweet face?  Robert says that she is trying to absorb the pain from me, and who knows, he could be right. 

Look at how cuddly she is.  She's a masterpiece, stinky breath and all.

One morning I couldn't figure out why the bedroom smelled like peanut butter.  Turns out Robert gave the girls some peanut butter on their snooters, and Josie saved some for later.  She was insistent about having her crusty peanut butter snout in my business.

Margo has been going to work each day.  She is a creature who needs routine, which I can relate to and respect.  We have worked really hard perfecting our morning routine since I changed jobs in January and Margo officially became employed for the first time in her life.  Because I go to work later in the mornings there is time for more than a walk, brush, and goodbye hugs like my last job.  That was an easy routine for her.  

Our pre-injury routine began with me working in my home office (which is upstairs) on my personal endeavors (art, chaos, sometimes both).  Margo would take a nap on her pillow at the top of the stairs.  After I wrapped up in my office I did my workout (my workout room is also upstairs).  When I started heading downstairs she would follow.  If I took too long with chores, she began to not so gently herd me toward the door.  We would go for our walk.  After our walk, I brushed the girls, alternating each day between the slicker brush (which they love) and the FURminator (which I love because it gets so much more hair), and washed Margo's face with a warm washcloth and then her special tear wipes.  She has a tear duct issue that isn't uncomfortable for her, but it causes her to cry a lot and sometimes get crusty, which does look uncomfortable.  After grooming them I would get ready for work, and then we would head out.  First, we dropped off Josie at Robert's office, and then Margo and I would head to the shop.  If I deviated from any part of this weird equation that equalled Margo's routine, she let me know about it.  She would either try to herd me in the direction of whatever it was that we weren't doing (for example, no walks on stormy days) or give me deeply disappointed, borderline homicidal stares (if I failed to brush her if I was running late).  Here are a few of her stares, which she was born doing.  It's a little unnerving to see a puppy look at you like how did I get stuck with this obnoxious piece of garbage?!?  Robert often comments that it's a wonder she hasn't killed us one night while we're asleep.

(WARNING only look if you're not prone to nightmares).  Included is a video so you can feel the stare.  Most times we feel the stare before we see it, and on occasion she'll stare long enough for us to examine our souls.

Margo has not understood my injury at all.  In fact, I think it's fair to say it has deeply confused her.  Last Tuesday she finally had enough and started to not so gently herd Robert toward the door, remarkably around the same time we would normally go to work.  So Robert took her to the shop, and that's what he's been doing since then.  She really does have many important jobs at the shop.  She even has her own business card, which J designed for her.  Margo is there for emotional support.  She's the president of both HR and our social media.  And most importantly, she is there for all of her friends, which is almost every customer who comes in the shop.  One of our UPS drivers comes in even on his days off to see her, and one of our mail ladies brings Margo cookies (Margo hasn't won over the second mail lady yet).  There was even one customer who came back after he already picked up his item just to say hi to Margo.  He drops by almost weekly now to see her.  So naturally, when he asked if we would be a sponsor for his American Legion's upcoming mouse race, Margo wholeheartedly gave him our support.

One of the best things we did during the remodel of the shop was add cameras everywhere.  Since we do not have any way to see what's going on in the shop from the back room where we work, the cameras have been a life-changer.  We still have the annoying alarm for when customers come in, but we can now see them before we hear the alarm and also keep an eye on customers who need time to look around without us hovering.  Our outside cameras have been a riot as well.  We have had everything from people sleeping out front of the building, a wide assortment of animals roaming the wooded area out back, and even someone peeing on the side of the building in the middle of the day.  No joke!

We had some training on our sand carver last week, so I let everyone know that I would be listening in and watching what I could via the camera nearest the sand carver.  

A couple days Robert has needed to drop Margo off early or pick her up late.  So I played a little Where's Margo to check in on her.  Can you find her in this first camera screenshot?

She's behind the chair at my desk!  You can see just a bit of her foot and tail.

Waiting for Robert to pick her up.  You know she's wearing The Stare.

J has also sent me pictures of Margo hard at work.  Margo absolutely adores J, so I think a big part of Margo needing to go to work each day is because she misses her J!  Here they are together.  Margo is doing her job - making sure J doesn't work too hard.  It's impossible to turn down a squishy lip break!

It's lonely in the house without Margo, but I understand that her job is very important to her.  Once I'm capable of hauling myself around on a scooter again, I'll be right there with her, forming a new temporary routine and doing the important work of helping customers on their journey to celebrate, commemorate, congratulate, and recognize the special people in their lives.  It's not librarianship, but it's important and incredibly interesting work that I love and now miss the short time I've been away.  

With my leg officially letting me know it's healing, I can't help but get excited about everything I love in life all over again.  There will be coffee again.  Showering inside!  Scooting around work.  I'll be able to do workouts again!  I can take over laundry duties again (Robert, bless him, needs to stay in the kitchen where he belongs).  It's tough not to get stupid drunk on the hope.