Verdant Fusion

I enjoyed every minute making this piece, and it was definitely a new level for me.  What kind of level I don't know.  I just know it carried a different kind of weight and feeling.  I came across the words, "Verdant Fusion" on one of the tea bags that went into the piece and that's how the name came to be.

I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get this piece sealed in time for the June art fair, but somehow it was ready with about two days to spare.  And it sold just like that.  I didn't even get to hang it up at home for a bit.  But it was also validating that what I felt with this piece and not only what I put into this piece, but what it gave me in return while making it, was felt by someone else.  And the connection with this person was instant.

This piece is made mostly with tea packaging, but a few other bits of packaging as well.  I used both beige and highlighter green acrylics to paint a background first (a weirdly stunning color combination), and then I just cut the pieces however I felt like cutting them and let the piece be what it wanted to be.  I decided to cover the sides as well, which I don't always do.  It's finicky work, is incredibly fragile, and sealing it is a bit of a nightmare.  But this piece required it.

Wings and Knots

I have two new pieces that I have not shared yet.  One is a collage made with painted papers that came together easily and was a joy to make.  I have started three collages since then and all three have been on and off difficult.  One may be destined for timeout.  Another will need lots of 2 AM epiphanies to fully reveal itself.  And one is just a beautiful pain in the tush that's a lot of teeny tiny tweezer work.  So it's always a win when a piece just comes together with no fuss.

I think it's on a 10 x 10 wooden canvas and is titled, "Growing Wings."

I also finished a new zen piece that went from a tiny blob to fully done after one weekend where I found myself unable to walk away from it.  This piece has already sold.  I used multiple needles and broke a few in the process.  After some trial and error, I can say I officially love doubling up on French knots.  It took an upholstery needle to make the piles of French knots happen, but it was worth it.  This was also my first time using an oval hoop.  I usually use circular hoops and am also not a huge fan of plastic hoops, but I found this oval hoop at an art recycling place.  I enjoyed it so much I am now on the prowl for other unusual shapes.  I think the reason I didn't like plastic hoops was due to constantly adjusting the fabric because it slips more.  I was definitely adjusting the fabric the whole way, but it didn't bother me this go around.  Growth!  The family who bought this piece are planning to keep it in the hoop.  When the person bought this piece he sked me to take a picture with his family!  Naturally, I did not think to take a picture as well, and there were kids in the picture so it wouldn't have been a good idea.  But now I'm thinking that I will ask artists to take pictures with me when I buy their pieces.

I titled this one, "Fingerprint."

I am preparing for the first art fair of the season - Artsfest in Springfield, MO, which will be May 2nd & 3rd.  And by preparing, what I mean is that I am still moving at my normal snail's pace but spending as much time as I can working on my current pieces.  Hopefully at least one is spared the fate of the dumpster! 😆

The Good Kind of Busy

It has been a busy, busy past few weeks.  We unfortunately had to let one of my employees go, and we continue to have an abundance of orders.  There was one week in February where we slowed down, but that has been our only break since October.  The good news is I have one employee who is a go-getter and just an all-around amazing person.  We also both enjoy the work and have a good sense of humor about the moments when the shit hits the fan.  We also have someone who is interested in part-time work who is starting soon.  This has enormously lowered my stress levels.  It gives us time to spread the word about the open full-time position, eases the workload, and this person is someone I think N and I are going to work really well with.  

On that note, if you know of someone who lives in the Kansas City area and loves learning new things, problem solving, building and creating awards, gifts, and pieces of art, and most importantly is someone who is accountable and really going to care deeply about our customers and projects, I am hiring!  It's also a really fun place to work.  Both N and I bring our dogs to work, we usually have music going, and are really collaborative in spirit.  Plus the customers and their stories are everything. 

I also had an art show that I just wrapped up literally today!  I don't know if this is the typical artist experience, but I just keep having these incredibly amazing experiences with showing my work.  I have been so fortunate to meet such beautiful, artistic, and caring souls with each opportunity.

Having an art show at Beggars Table was an experience I'm never going to forget.  The whole setup and how they do it is a dream.  It is both a church and gallery, which is quickly becoming my favorite combination.  This is the third church I've seen recently that also supports the art community.  I was so nervous for the First Friday reception!  But Beggars Table has "hosts" for artists, who seem more like buddies than hosts. My two hosts, Andrew and John, were there for every question I had and super supportive.  During First Friday, Andrew (who has the unicorn job of bookmobile librarian) and I chatted off and on the entire evening.  It was so nice to talk about books with him inbetween all the times I worked up the courage to thank people for coming.  

In addition to First Friday, Beggars Table invites their artists to a Sunday service during the time their artwork is up and gives them time at the end of the service for an artist talk.  It was a beautiful place to have service, and the music was particularly lovely in the space.  I had lots of opportunities to talk to people about anything and everything relating to art.  Robert and I then took down the artwork today.  I will be encouraging all the artists I know to apply for a show at this gallery.  In addition to prints, I sold five originals, which I'm over the moon about.  I even got to meet just about everyone who bought an original, with the exception of one piece.  

As with a lot of moments where I'm trying to be fully present, I failed to take pictures.  But I do have a couple from our setup day.

Aside from work and the art show, I have been spending some time getting ready for my first art fair this year - the Artsfest in Springfield, Missouri.  I so enjoyed going last year with Robert, I told him there's no way I'm not applying again.  It's such an artsy town that's very dear to me.  When I was growing up, it was the place my family went to once a year to visit their mall (a mall that is still standing surprisingly), and it was the first place I lived when starting my college journey.

This year for Artsfest I will have new prints, a few new originals, stickers (which I've had many requests for and finally caved, and now hell I get it), and hopefully notebooks, but we are struggling to get the details finalized on these, so I may bring them out at my next art fair.  We shall see.

It's been very busy but the good kind of busy.  I should be able to devote some time to blogging and time to reflect and relish all the good that's come our way.

Come see my work at Beggars Table!

For those in the Kansas City area, please join me April 3rd at Beggar's Table.

My work will be up for a few weeks, and the gallery is also a church that has service on Sundays.

I'm super excited for this opportunity and cannot wait to be a part of the magic of this gallery and the excitement of First Fridays!

Blinded by the light (and also golden retrievers)

I started this piece a couple years ago and walked away from it because it was too bright.  Too much.  I felt like it was punching me in the face every time I got it out of my sewing bag.  There's only so much abuse I take from inanimate objects, so I chucked it into timeout.

Recently I heard the call of its Lisa Frank colors and decided to revisit it.  It was about halfway done, and I sat down with it during one of those lulls we all get where there isn't a morsel of creativity to be found.

I ended up finishing it in one sitting.  I'm not afraid to admit that sometimes what I create isn't what I thought it was going to be.  Sunrise colors don't always create a sunrise!

There are quite a few artists that influence my work, and always at the top of that list is Lisa Frank.  For better or worse, she is one of the reasons I love color so much.

I just realized Lisa Frank may also be the reason I love golden retrievers so much. 😂

This piece feels like taking a peek into my ten-year old self.  Blinding, ferocious energy lacking any kind of direction, aiming for sun, waiting a touch too long, but happy to sop up the remaining light.

Dreams

A fellow blogger asked me to share some of my art that comes from dreams.  I often have dreams about roaming the microscopic textures of things such as wood grain, lichen, the veins in rocks.  I also often have dreams where the paint is still wet, which leads me to believe I'm actually a part of the painting.  I also have a strange teapot who keeps appearing with silent advice.  And since I was very young just before I get sick I have dreams of descending steep stairs that are too small for my feet.  It doesn't happen every time, but I take it as a warning when the stairs appear since they have never been wrong.  Many years ago I was fortunate enough to experience, climb, and touch the ruins of Tikal in Guatemala.  They were the exact stairs!

Both my art and poetry are sprinkled with my dreams.  I love working through the layers, examining the symbolism, and I use each dream as a guide.  I'm equally interested in the dreams of others as well.  There are a handful of surefire ways that always make me lose track of time.  Talking about dreams with others is one of those things.

My favorite poem I've written is a mishmash of my thrift store dreams, which is a common setting.

Mixed Media

Here are a few dream-inspired art pieces:

helter skelter

We are still incredibly busy at work with no real lull on the horizon.  This is only my second year, so it's tough to tell at this point how long it takes to claw our way out of the end-of-year awards.  It's good to be busy, but we still haven't melded as a team, my crew hasn't had proper training, and survival mode has the shop looking a bit helter skelter.  At one point Nini was setting aside some food packaging from her lunch and asked if I was a fan of beautiful food packaging.  Robert who happened to be there, asked me, "does she know you're an artist?"  Nope!  We only really know the basics about each other at this point - I'm the only one who likes coffee, Chris has two super busy teens, Nini is a new homeowner and thinks opossums are adorable.  That's about it. 😂

Add three mornings of PT and still not being able to drive to the mix, and it's been bananas.  I had to ask my poor mother-in-law to run and grab some last minute awards at one of the warehouses in town!  She saved the day!

I'm hoping that I can drive soon.  I've been doing over a hundred heel raises a day thanks to my stand-up desk at work, but it's been a tough go getting my ankle to flex again.  This means I still can't press the pedals down in the car, let alone panic stop.  But soon! 

I don't have a lot of free time at the moment, but thanks to being finished with my degree, I can give what I do have back to my art.  I've been tucking into it with the ferocity of of a thunderstorm.  A few things look like they need to be scraped and sanded back down.  Too much enthusiasm too fast equals disaster for me.

Thankfully there's still sewing, which cannot be done thunderstorm style.  I don't have any progress pictures of this piece, because it went by fast all the way until the end, and then it turned into the devil.  It took about six tries to balance the heaviness of the darker blues.  I actually mapped this one out, but it still surprised me!

Interpretations VII

This post is long overdue, but I'm thrilled to finally share it.  I had the joy of being a part of the the Columbia Art League's Interpretations VII show as an artist this past year.  Though I could not see the show in-person due to being on bed rest during the time it was up, I still enjoyed the whole journey and am excited to eventually meet up with the poet I was paired with  I've been a part of Interpretations as a poet three different times: II (which I couldn't go to because I was recuperating from meniscus repair surgery), III, & VI.

What is Interpretations?

Columbia Art League describes it as:

"A marriage of 35 visual artists and 35 literary artists, each submitting one work of their own choice with any theme. Then, an art swap: Each visual artist receives a work from one of the writers; each literary artist receives an artwork. The task for each artist and writer: to create a second work of art or piece of writing, which is his or her interpretation of the other artist’s work. The result: A show of 70 artworks and 70 pieces of writing. The aim of the show: A reminder that we all see the world differently; our interpretations of the world around us are uniquely ours. How will each artist interpret the other artist’s work? How will the viewer interpret the written words and artworks in the show?"

This year was my first time applying as an artist.  

I submitted this piece:

Here is the interpretation:

Blooming Season
by Betsy Garrett

Stand tall
face the sun and revel in
the singular beauty of
your blooming season
hold no fear of the darkness
use your dormancy to rest
then rising taller and stronger
drink in the light and rain
gift your seeds with abandonment
surround yourself with an
adorned field of your offspring
stand tall
and be

Here is the poem Betsy Garrett submitted:

Be a Prairie

grow deep roots
extending feet
underground
hold onto each drop
of water
and nutrient
stand firm against
roiling winds
cyclone forces

sustain life
host pollinators
shelter birds
reptiles insects
boldly proclaim
diversity
attired in
breath-taking
ancient beauty

And this is my interpretation:

I had the good fortune of finding an old folk art book at a library booksale just days after receiving Betsy's poem.  I wanted to capture the cyclical beauty of the prairie giving life, and the life within the prairie giving the prairie life (the whole chicken and egg question), but I wanted to take an element of her poem and make it the subject.  My initial idea used snakes as the subject, but even I recognize snakes have too much baggage.  Thankfully I saw the birds in the old folk art book and changed direction.  

I'm not sure if I should call it a mistake, but I did not map out anything.  I decided to completely wing this (pun intended!).  Thankfully, I could see it in my mind the entire time, and I just so happened to have the perfect beads and materials.  Other than the cotton reptilian fabric, I used upholstery samples, which were unruly, constantly unravelling, and required needles that looked like weapons.  Unfortunately, to sew the teeny tiny beads to the piece I also had to use wispy needles that are no thicker than a strand of hair.  The upholstery fabric laughed in my face every single time I used one of those wispy needles to sew on a teeny tiny bead.

Now that I've experienced Interpretations as both a writer and an artist, I thought I would know which side I preferred.  I remember I would receive one word or two at a time when I was writing my interpretations.  I would have the words but not really know what to do with them.  After collecting one or two words at a time over three or so months, the poem refused to fully reveal itself until the week before the due date.  It happened that way every time.  As an artist interpreting the poem I could both see her poem as it was read in my mind and also my interpretation of the thing that spoke to me the most, which was the chicken and egg question.  My interpretation went through a few different subjects, but it was essentially the same piece of art with the pieces rearranged in each rendition.  Each time I paused my work on the piece I would take a picture, and like anything else I make, I would stare at it and let it tell me what to do next, what to fix, and how to grow it.  There were a few times I did the staring thing with this piece, and my mind was like, "Not that, you fool!"  Here's the thing about upholstery fabric.  It doesn't let you take back your stitches very easily.  You have to cut out the entire progress you made with that piece of thread.  So having said all that I'm not really sure what direction I will take next time.  It will likely come down to whether I have something fitting to submit and what that particular thing is.  There's a reason why this show is always amazing to see.  How we interpret the world and the interpretations others make of our interpretations is a wild, soul-stirring ride.

enjoying the calm

I feel like I'm in the eye of of the end-of-year tornado.  Mostly caught up at work.  We're managing to stay just barely on top of things, but that will do for the moment.  Yesterday was the first day I didn't work past the point of what I had to give, and we got home at a decent hour.  I've been managing to still take Sundays off, which have been devoted to school work.  Robert hasn't been so lucky.  He's working today.

Next week we meet the other side of the storm.  Teetering piles of things to do at work.  I also have PT twice, a dentist appointment, a doctor's appointment, a get together with my poetry friends, a holiday party, and a special concert Robert and I are traveling to St. Paul to see.  Mostly good things.   But today it's like my brain and body know about what's to come.  Though I didn't finish as strongly as I hoped, school is done.  It's my first Sunday with nothing on the schedule.  I have decided to hunker down and start a new embroidery project.

I just wrapped up this piece, which feels like a meadow reprieve from the gray and cold of December.

I like to include progress pics, but there aren't that many for this piece.  It came together quickly and was easy to get lost in.

a jar full of barn sunshine

This piece took a while, but it gave me zero grief to make.  I have definitely become a little too attached to the green felt, so I'm determined to walk away from it for a while and use a different fabric next time.  Most of the buttons from this piece came from one of the several jars of buttons I found in the barns on Robert's grandma's property.

I used up a lot of neutrals to make this piece, but sunshine found its way in.

I am eager to share the piece I made for the Columbia Art League's Interpretations VII, but I haven't taken proper pictures of it, and I have been unable to travel and see the show.  I've been apart of Interpretations twice as a poet, and this is my first time as an artist.  I have been a little bummed about missing the reception and not being able to meet with the poet I was paired with.  I'm hoping I can travel at some point next week and see the show before it comes down.  I should have pictures and the poet's poems to share soon.  

But for now, there's many paths to take in the threads of this piece, all leading to sunshine.

helpful book

This is the book I can't stop talking about.  It's been so incredibly helpful!

I am not sure how this book ended up on my to-read list. Usually I add the name of whoever recommended it in my private notes, but there's nothing there. I almost didn't read it, because I would never call myself a perfectionist, and no one has ever called me one with any seriousness.

But here I am with this book that I know is already changing my life. I saw so much of myself in this book it was tough to read at times. I had to stop after each moment of connection and take the time to process it. I have even found myself using the information from the book to help me move forward from a place of anxiety and attacking myself. I think it's within my power to figure out ways to make all the things that define me (good or bad, perfectionism or not) a little bit more adaptive than maladaptive.

Powerful moments for me:

Pg. 27: Adaptive vs. maladaptive perfectionism. Interestingly enough, I had a doctor's appointment and the doctor used the terms to describe a function of the body. Maybe others have heard of this, but it was news to me. I feel like this is something concrete that I can think about to help me use behaviors in a positive way.

Pg. 29: "Trying to get rid of your perfectionism (or for me, my need to be in control) is like trying to get rid of the wind by whacking it with a broom. Perfectionism is too powerful for an eradication approach. When you try to get rid of your perfectionism, all you're doing is hemorrhaging energy at the opportunity cost of attending to your wellness."

Pg. 84: "Each type of perfectionist has their own way of expressing the dynamics inherent in maladaptive perfectionism, but regardless of context, the raw formula is the same: you get separated from your self-worth, and you think restoring your worth hinges on an external outcome. You start trying to compensate for something you don't need to compensate for. You start trying to earn something that already belongs to you." This rings true. It still almost bowls me over reading it a third, fifth, twelfth time.

Pg. 86: "Relying on a strategy of superficial control instead of accessing your power is tantamount to moving a car by pushing it from the bumper instead of getting inside and driving it." This is so much of my life, it would be funny if it didn't hurt like the dickens. I have superficial control lying all over my house, in my mind, everywhere.

Pg. 106: "Everything a child who does not feel loved does is done to answer this question am I worth loving yet? The child asks some version of that question indefinitely, but not forever. When the answer to the question continues to be perceived as "No," the message is internalized...An invisible switch is flipped. In the child's unconscious mind, freedom to be who they are is no longer an option. It's too unsafe and two destabilizing. With freedom off the table, two choices remain. The first choice is performance. They choose to play the part of someone who is worthy and hope to God no one finds out they're pretending. The second choice is destruction. They choose to destroy themselves with the mentality of "If no one else cares about me, why should I?" To read something like this in a book is such a hopeful, powerful thing. 

Lastly, Pg. 170: "Perfectionists waste so much energy trying to turn their disappointment into something else. We keep asking, "How can I get rid of my disappointment?" The better question is "What else do I also feel?"

While reading this I realized that one of the tools I use while creating art is a tiny part of me giving myself permission to let go. I use this tool as a way to surrender some of that control I constantly feel like I need to have. I can only hope that by using this tool I'm able to let go a little more with every finished piece.

Offering

I can't even begin to tell you how this collage came to be.  For the longest time I only made planned art.  If a planned piece took me somewhere unmapped, I was not resistant.  But I do like a plan!  The past couple years I have been winging it sometimes.  Even when I'm winging it, a plan often forms in the process of picking out the papers, thread, or fabric.

When I sat down with the papers for this collage I only knew I craved yellow.  Eventually a hand grew in the piece, and after I got used to it being there, I moved it, kept moving it, kept asking what it wanted to be.  I was so focused on the hand fluttering around the canvas, I was ignoring what it was trying to give me.

Wild

When I chose the colors for this piece, I wasn't entirely sure how they would react with each other.  I thought the red would pop, the multicolored threads would unite, and the blue would be that subtle thing that creeps in and stays longer than the rest of the colors.  What I didn't expect was for the multicolor threads to throw a party and the red to be all like "hey I'm here for it, for all of it!"

Flourish

This collage was one of the largest I've made - 18"x18" but it took less time to make than a lot of smaller collages.  I used a combination of recycled papers (mostly shopping bags & magazines), a few expensive papers that show layers when ripped (my favorites to find in craft recycling stores), and some wallpaper samples.  I loved every minute making this.  It gave me zero grief, and it was tough to walk away from it.  The siren call was real.   

My progress pictures show just how difficult it was to walk away from it.  It grew like wildfire in just a week or so.

Making Centers

Mostly chaos here.  Murky, hopeful, good, overpowering, ripe.  All kinds.  Sometimes a center of calm too, but only enough to build a brief cocoon.  

I've been living in my art and work some days, and I'm good with this for the moment.  

I made two companion embroidery pieces, but when I was finished, I no longer liked them enough to put them out into the world.  The colors worked together sometimes but clashed other times.  It was too much chaos. 

The page above is from Make Meatballs Sing, which is about Corita Kent.  

Right now it's good enough to just Make.  And maybe treat the process of Make as a cocoon.

the focus became the light

Two embroidery pieces I made recently:

A teeny 5" zen rainbow piece where the focus became the light no matter the weight of the blue.  Sometimes even our own creations can surprise us with their meaning.

Each time I sat with this piece, any anxiety I was feeling disappeared almost immediately.