toes above nose

I'm officially on the the mend now.  I was very fortunate to get an appointment with the surgeon on Monday.  He scheduled my surgery for Wednesday, and I was in and out in just a few hours.  I'm on bed rest until the end of September, which means I'm typing while laying down.  But I'm two days into it, and I'm feeling hopeful.  Only 9 months and I'll back on the court playing tennis.  The doctor has a detailed plan for the next nine months, and from what I heard I may be putting some weight on the leg by Halloween.  I'm ready to get this plan going!

Robert has been taking good care of me, and his mom has even come over when he's gone in case I need anything.  I can't quite get around on my own yet, but I'm so close.  

One of my three classes this fall has a group discussion component.  When we were trying to figure out a time to meet this week, I mentioned my surgery on Wednesday and asked for Tuesday, the day before, or for Sunday.  The surgeon told me once the nerve block wears off, even with pain medication, there will be a couple days of pain.  Well, in less than 24 hours, my group all came together and decided to meet on Tuesday.  So, I'm still caught up on my assignments.  So much to be grateful for.  

The only thing that's kinda rotten is that my girls are in doggy daycare right now.  Prior to the surgery, Josie would still very carefully get in bed with us at night.  Right around the time I was ready to fall asleep, she would get down, which is what she usually does.  But for the week prior to my surgery, I would wake up and she would be back in bed with us, snuggled as close to me as she could get!  We couldn't figure out what was going on.  Then one night, Margo woke up Robert because she needed to go out.  While he was waiting on Margo, I gave a yelp of pain in my sleep.  He said Josie didn't even think twice.  She gracefully and soundlessly jumped up on the bed and was by my side in seconds.  

This is the same dog who acts like a whirly dervish, the first dog we've had who is a complete baby and wants to be treated as such.  She is also 100% Robert's dog.  I can't even begin to tell you how loved I feel right now.  But her need to make sure I'm ok is why she's out of the house for a few days.  Even though I'm on bed rest (toes above nose) for two weeks, I'll be turning some kind of magical corner around Monday.  And then we can figure out how Josie and I can snuggle without her plastering herself to my booboo.

Though it doesn't sound like much of a difference, a boot and a splint wrapped in what feels like the entire stock of guaze at any given Walgreens is a pretty mighty difference.  I'm a fairly strong person, but it feels like I have a damn anchor made of cement down there.  It's also unwieldy and both Robert and I are terrified of it.  I didn't have fond feelings for the boot, but I will be happy to see it again in two weeks!

Try Your Best

We've had a lot of construction around my neighborhood this summer.  A bridge was replaced, yards and roads have been ripped up to replace old pipes, and we have three houses at the end of our street that have been torn down and are in various stages of rebuilding.  There have been times I've needed help just getting off my street or I've been blocked and needed to wait.  Yesterday we went for a walk and discovered that Josie's favorite street to do her business is being torn up.  Robert and I jokingly refer to this street as "The Beloved Poop Fields of El Monte," because Josie has such a fondness for pooping there.  I've seen her go poo just minutes before walking El Monte and if we turn on El Monte, she poos again.

So yesterday we needed to go a bit further, I was already late, Josie was giving me crap for missing her street, and we came across this sign.

As we passed Josie's beloved street again, she got as close to it as she could and did her business.  That was the best she could do.  This is likely some kind of divine message from the universe.

bun puns

Several years ago I started the journey to figure out what the heck was up with my GI issues.  I was embarrassed, impatient, and felt like surely I could fix it.  I should be able to fix it right?  Why couldn't I fix it?  I soon gave up.  

In 2021 I started having trouble with incontinence of varying kinds, and I admitted defeat.  I talked to my doctor and told her I was ready to get to the bottom of my GI issues once and for all (pun totally intended).  I spent the next four years doing lots of tests, various diets, pelvic floor therapy, and even counseling.  Apparently stress can kill you in different ways, including via your gut.  Who knew? 

Thankfully, at the beginning of the journey I was working from home due to the pandemic.  Things definitely got worse for a while as I went through the hoops.  As I transitioned back to working in-person I didn't bring up the utter hell my GI issues were giving me.  At that time I worked with super supportive people.  I was just incredibly embarrassed.  Incontinence is a pretty taboo thing to talk about.  In addition to that taboo problem, I was often experiencing extraordinary fatigue, bloating, and pain.  Weirdly enough, 2022-2023 were my two favorite years working at the library.  I think all the library happiness balanced out the tummy troubles and gave me something positive to focus on.  The library job and people I worked with (99.9% of them) for sure saved my butt (again, pun intended) during the time I needed it most.

The first GI doctor I had was excellent, but he had settled on this cycle of periodically wiping out the bacteria in my gut a couple times a year.  It was expensive and the symptoms always came back, sometimes in just a few weeks!  I've had a few colonoscopies over the past few years, and for a couple weeks after each of them, I felt the best I've ever felt.  I was so desperate for relief I even brought up the idea of doing a colonoscopy prep every so often!  

So then I asked my primary doctor if I could be referred to a different GI doctor, and she was 100% on board with it.  I immediately clicked with this new GI doctor, and he started me on a very rocky path to some relief.  He tried a few things, one of which was a medication that drastically improved my discomfort and pain, but the other symptoms were persistently hanging on.  As we all know one of those symptoms makes living a normal life very challenging.  This doctor didn't give up on me though.  He referred me to the Mayo clinic, and at the beginning of July I got the call to come on up.  

I have spent the majority of the summer figuring out my gut issues, and I feel like I have an excellent plan that I understand.  The first thing I had to do was put away my feelings about taking medication for possibly the rest of my life (even something small and harmless like the one I'm taking was tripping me up).  I really wanted the fix to be solely related to diet or something I could fix.  The second thing I had to do was be open to anything and surrender my embarrassment.  Lastly, it's a lot of hard work and I'm still trying to understand it all, but I feel like I have some hope for a future that doesn't involve always making sure there's a restroom nearby.  I am willing to put in the hard work and ask uncomfortable questions.

I have been reading this excellent book: The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, and just this morning there was a passage I read that stood out:

"Embracing our common humanity is understanding that we all encounter pain, we all get lost, we all have drama in our family – we all have so much happening behind the scenes. The more you see your problems as uncommon, unrelatable, and unnatural, the closer you move towards self-pity, not self compassion." 

During this whole process I learned just how common my stomach issues are.  Unfortunately, I was totally mortified about them for such a long time, I made them 1000 times worse.  There are so many people with similar issues, there are two floors devoted to them at the Mayo in Rochester!  If anyone reading this or anyone you know has chronic constipation/diarrhea (or both!), it is not normal or ok.  Ask for help!

There's a lot of hard work ahead, but I'm ever so grateful for the help and also for Robert taking off the time to be with me for all the weird, exhausting, hopeful, gross, powerful, life-changing stuff I've been a part of this summer.  I'm also grateful that my gut issues are not life-threatening.  We have officially knocked out all the super serious things, and the relief I feel about that is immense.

Such a serious post, I think it's time for a few pictures.  All appropriate, only some poo!

Rochester has this incredibly long pedestrian bridge on the Douglas Trail.  Robert and I walked the lake loop to access it, and then he walked back to the car while I explored the bridge.  Robert said to call him when I reached the end of it, and he would come pick me up.  

Well I never found the end because the darn thing led to a brewery - Little Thistle.  There may not be pots of gold at the end of every rainbow, but apparently there's at least one brewery at the end of a trail (at least that's where the trail ended for me).  I'm pretty much ruined now.  When I called Robert he was not at all surprised by my find.  

Speaking of being completely ruined - when I popped into the main Rochester library and asked for a library card for my collection, the person working there librarian gave me not only the current colors, they also went into the back for a couple old ones lying around.  

Books like this were everywhere, including this board book.  Rochester definitely had the most positive poop culture I've ever been a part of.

We had Chinese one night.  I don't remember the food, but I did keep this.  How many mighty forces have been there for me?  Too many to count.  

Speaking of food, we did find the best places, because that's what we do!

Brussels Sprouts from First Meeting Noodle in Rochester:

Borscht (the best I've ever had) from Kramarczuk's Sausage Co. in Minneapolis, MN:

The Mayo Clinic is connected to many shops and restaurants in a crazy indoor maze.  Someone mentioned that they moved there in the winter and only spent a few minutes outside.  She was able to walk mostly from her home to her job at the Mayo clinic without venturing outside!  We did a lot of walking while we waited for appointments.  The best place to eat was Saladworks, which was a build your own salad place with roasted vegetable options.

This coffee place, Qamaria, had something called pistachio sauce.  Here's the difference between pistachio syrup and sauce.  It's very simple.  If it's sauce, you will want to bathe in it.  It was an otherworldly experience.  Each sip you decide if you want straight up latte or latte after you drag your straw through the sauce.  Basically, it's the best drink on the planet.

When we traveled to Des Moines for vacation in June we didn't find any restaurants we would visit again.  Naturally, just passing through Des Moines we found a stellar place - Centro.  They had a vegan tofu gnocchi with broccoli pesto and a salad with a pile of fresh tomatoes.  Robert thought my pasta was slightly better than his!

We had one weekend to fiddle fart around, and we stopped by an amazing craft recycling place, ArtStart and one of the best bookstores I've ever been to, Against the Current, both in St. Paul.  I kept picking up one treasure after another.  ArtStart sold their papers by the inch!

We got back just this past Thursday, and the dogs were both overjoyed and exhausted.  I immediately took Margo into work on Friday in the hopes she would forgive me for keeping her from J and her customers.  This weekend has been a lot of catchup, relaxation, and tennis.  

Tennis has been brutal this summer with the crazy humidity.  My average heart rate when I play is usually 140s-150s.  With the humidity the average has been near-death - 💀.  But it's the best place to lay down all my burdens (or smack the shit out of them).

I am ready to dive into my last semester of school, do all the hard work to get my gut all spruced up and happy (and not tear myself down if I make a mistake), and really soak up all the joy of my job, art, family, and the pauses when I write it all down.

July

July was bananas, so I was unable to post.  I wrapped up another semester (only one left).  We did lots of things at work: wrapping up the remodel, starting up social media, country club trophy season etc.  Some extra time went into my mysterious gut disorder (maybe less mysterious soon).  Lots of art, writing, tennis.  The usual.

Here are a few special moments:

A few years ago we had regular barred owl visitors.  Almost every time we looked out the window or walked outside we saw them.  Then they disappeared.  But maybe they are back.  Robert Facetimed me one morning on his way to work and told me to come outside.  

An owl on the ground!

But the owl very quickly flew to a tree when I came out.  My excitement (even the silent kind) is too much.

Margo has been working hard at the shop.  She's recently been learning all about social media and has been a good sport about it.

She now knows a little about trophies too.  You need an award?  She'll help you pick something!

Occasionally Josie visits, and we have an honoree shop dog.

They both work hard at their jobs, so there has been even more flopping than usual at home.

Heck, even a recent visit to a splash pad tuckered them out.

Life is good.

opossum

When we were in Springfield, MO in May Robert and I stopped at Bass Pro Shops and of course we buy the thing that everyone buys when they go to Bass Pro Shops.

A opossum.  Not just any opossum, but a squeaky one for the dogs.

Since then Josie has claimed the opossum for herself and it's 100% her baby.  Just about any time I see her asleep somewhere, the opossum is with her.  Not always in plain view.  Sometimes I have to root around until I find it, but it's there.

squishy life update

My plan was to attempt weekly posts until the chaos settled, but that is currently too lofty a goal.

Owning a business is a lot of work!  Especially since I am learning everything.  Whenever I am feeling overwhelmed Robert keeps telling me I'm doing a good job for somebody who is trying to jump on a moving treadmill that's also on a moving train.  This is about the best analogy for my situation.  We went to the APA (Awards and Personalization Association) Conference the first week of February, which was SO overwhelming in so many ways.  But we walked away purchasing some much-needed equipment - a sand carving machine, UV Printer, and a new Laser.  Whew!  I have been learning about our current laser, which will continue to be primarily used by J, who is our graphic designer and engraver extraordinaire.  However, I plan to learn everything there is to know about sand carving and uv printing, so I will be involved in a lot of training.  We are also making some exciting updates to the shop itself - updating some areas, adding storage, and modernizing our showroom.  All this and I'm still learning the business itself and accounting.

My personal life has been chaotic as well.  Robert and I moved my dad up to the city and have been working on getting him into a permanent place.  Holy paperwork, prescriptions, and phone calls!  Taking an active role in his care and needs has been challenging.  He's very stubborn, has a lot of issues especially with mobility, and finding that sweet spot of autonomy he deserves but without falls or other scary happenings has been difficult.  I'll keep you all posted on the journey.  

One of Robert's sisters and her fiancé just moved to the city too, so suddenly we are flush with family.  

One of the two classes I'm taking this semester has been confusing and overwhelming, but I am enjoying my other class, which is Librarianship in Prisons.  Completing my degree is important to me, but it also feels very weird.  I will finally have the degree at the end of this year but may never have the word librarian in my job title.  While working on my business cards with J, we were puzzling over what my cards should say.  I really feel like an elf in Santa's workshop but I also spend a lot of time on the backend of things like accounting.  It's the first time in my life I've had to come up with my own job titles.   

At the end of January my brother Scott and his wife welcomed a new member to their family, Grant, so I have another nephew!  I couldn't lead with the most exciting thing though, could I?

I bet y'all want some pictures from the past month, so here we go!

Our winter has been particularly hellish.  I was a member of various tennis clubs for fifteen years.  In 2019, when I had my yearlong battle to mend some herniated discs I ended my membership, and I haven't been back.  January 2025 is the first year since 2020 where I missed an entire month of tennis due to shitty weather.  An entire month!  Thankfully, the first couple days of February were beautiful.  I told Robert the two most beautiful words were empty and dry.  It took three parks that day to find a court that was both empty and dry, and it was glorious. 

Just after landing in Las Vegas for the APA conference, all the lights went out at the airport and someone had to manually open the train to let us on.  However, the airport did have generators for the most important things.  Can you see the slot machines glowing in the dark?

Currently we have a Trotec laser at my shop, and it's been amazing, so that is what we purchased for our next laser.  You can make a lot of things in the laser, including these cool patches for your shoes, which is what their salespeople were wearing.  I also really liked this wall of trotec art.  

Margo and her boat.  Having my dogs with me pretty much all the time has been one of the biggest blessings in the past six months.  They bring me so much comfort, and we have so many fun adventures together.

Josie and her bed, which she lets us use sometimes.

Some mega exciting pictures of a small part of our backroom.  The first picture is the before picture.  We finished out some unfinished walls and added storage.  Everything from the ceiling to the floor is 40 years of adjusting the space to make it work over the years.  

We have unearthed some very weird things:

* Florescent lights connected to power strips in the ceiling.

* Drywall tape used as trim.  Fancy!

* 23 trashcans, 6 filing cabinets, at least 20 space heaters/air purifiers, and 11 office chairs were unearthed

* Cords that go to absolutely nowhere hanging all over the place.

* A door and some two by fours were used to make a desk (not a bad contraption so we still have this).

* The heating doesn't cover one third of the showroom or part of the eye doctor's office next door (thus so many space heaters).

* The refrigerator and microwave both plug into a power strip that leads to one of the restrooms (so many powerstrips).  The fire inspection lady (Margo's new bosom friend) has told us this is called daisy chaining.  If you ever see a pamphlet for fire safety where they show you pictures of what not to do, I'm pretty sure many of the pictures come from us.  You're welcome!

* The back doors don't seal and the cutest snowdrifts have been living just on the inside of the doors all winter.  Hell, it can't be a fire hazard with our cute little snowdrift buddies, right?

* False walls, cork boards, whiteboard, and pegboards that looked completely innocent on the front, but with backs absolutely chock full of spiders and nests so thick, they were beginning to build skyscrapers, urban green spaces, and their own transit systems.    

We are so thrilled to get some walls!

All of our items that are ready for pickup are now in one spot with some custom shelves.  Look how the bottom allows space for taller items!  

I keep finding really old stuff.  We were holding on to items customers didn't pick up in the 90s.  No joke!  This has been the oldest find so far - an unopened burn cream tube from a first aid kit with an expiration date of 1987.  Robert joked that at least burns aren't something we need to worry about.

Margo really needs you to know she's the most important part of this post, so the post is ending with her.

comfort in the midst of screaming saws

This past week in pictures:

I'm going to call the person I work with "J" just to make things easier.  J and I have been trying to figure out how to categorize, describe, and list products and customers in Quickbooks.  It's a surprising amount of brain work.  

Margo has it much tougher though.  She's still trying to figure out which bed she wants to have at work.  

Margo is definitely a distraction, but whatever stress I feel just falls away anytime I look at her.

Both Margo and Josie are much more content now that they go their separate ways to do their important jobs every day.  They come home very tired and barely have time to do their important home jobs of providing comfort to their stuffies before falling asleep.  

While talking to my dad the other night I told him I felt like my life had come full circle.  First, I took things apart in his junkyards, and now I'm putting things together.  I've been learning the fine art of trophy construction, which is really just keeping your effing hands away from the saw and screwing shiny things together.  

When a customer came in and asked how to remove a placard from something, I said (very authoritatively) you need a pancake screwdriver.  He nearly fell over laughing when I brought out a cake spatula (which is its real name).  As you can tell I don't spend a lot of time making cakes either.

I really have no idea what things are called or what I'm doing, but oh the mirth this brings.  It helps that I work with someone who is incredibly capable in this business and who also has a lot of patience.

The first time I saw the backrooms of the shop and the 50 old coffee cans with all the doodads (bolts? Lugnuts? Hoopty Hoos? Screws?) and the various screwdrivers and tools I had a small chuckle, because it felt like I was back in the junkyard.  

It's been snowy and chilly here, so eating cold salads almost makes me cry right now.  Not sure who else out there likes to roast vegetables, but I've been eating a lot of roasted tomatoes.  They are the best thing to eat on a cold night and you don't need a cake spatula to make them.

dog joy

Some dog joy to start your week:

Margo met a friend the other day.  Everything terrifies this dog.  Not this mask though.  She did not want to leave it!

Is there anything better than coming across a fluffy and glowing creature from the heavens?  Look at those lip wrinkles!

Or going out for puppuccinos with the windows down in single digit weather?

How about some rare sister cuddles?