an update with some drool thrown in

December has gone by so fast! I am still working mostly from home. My library system is still open with reduced hours. I've been going in for one or two desk shifts a month. At home I have been doing mostly virtual programs and telephone reference. After months of low attendance, I finally made the decision to merge my monthly teen program with another teen program. It was tough to go from a successful in-person teen program to lots of awkward virtual teen programs where 1-3 teens showed up. It was even tougher to cancel the program.

I co-facilitated my first book club discussion ever - a tween book club discussion, and it was interesting. I'm not sure it's my cup of tea. We have lots of virtual book clubs for both adults and kids and they are hugely successful. I've also started helping out with adult writing programs this past season, which has been a lot of fun, and I just wrapped up my first season of virtual storytimes. This spring I'll take a break from storytimes. Oh how I miss in-person storytimes! If I think about it too long I get a little weepy.

As you can see Josie is a little jealous of Wilbur. But Josie loved doing storytimes. Just like with in-person storytimes, I practiced almost every day. And Josie would practice with me. My storytime area was in Rachel's room, which is upstairs. My office is also upstairs. When I would "go" to work every morning Josie would make a beeline for her storytime bed in Rachel's room. She was always ready to do storytime!

In January I'll be helping give my first ever virtual booktalks for a local high school. I've done in-person booktalks for both high schools and middle schools and they were tough but rewarding. I'm always reading a variety of materials but I've been reading mostly teen books this past month so I'm caught up on the new stuff.

I have lots of art projects going. I'm simultaneously trying out new things while working on my existing skills. I've been able to squeeze in a little more time thanks to Robert working extra long hours, having no kids in the house, and not going anywhere. It's been a good time explore, and during the long hours when I'm alone with the dogs it's nice to have something to keep my mind busy.

Here is my newest collage:

I painted the papers first, chopped everything up, and then spent a lot of happy time moving pieces around until they felt right.

Robert is working more than ever. He officially has his first employee for his computer business and the transition has been been smooth but a lot of work. He's also still managing the athletic timing systems for the school districts around us and has been super duper busy. Hopefully soon he has only the equivalent of a job and a half and we can also start traveling again ; ).

Rachel is still in school. She's going through a tough phase and has distanced herself from us. We've made it clear we're here any time she's ready. And so we wait.

Izzy is doing good. She is still in a residential facility and continues to have behavioral issues relating to the trauma she endured. Due to the continued violent outbursts she still cannot come home and we are working through accepting that she may not ever be able to come back home. Her therapist says consistency and repetition are vital so Robert and I have been talking to her almost every day and doing therapy with her once a week. We practice the same ways to express emotions and deal with behavior over and over again, and I think it's starting to stick just a little. She has a lot of work ahead of her but she is tenacious, hopeful, smart, and has enough enthusiasm for at least five people. She is also passing her classes and learning to take the lead on her IEP  (though still including us every step of the way).

Due to COVID-19 we are still unable to have in-person visits but we were able to visit her outside last week during a warm and sunny day. And Margo and Josie joined us!

When I'm not working I've been enjoying taking the girls out for hikes and walks. They bring the sunshine even on the cloudiest days.

Josie is still a little crazy. She has a lot of energy, but she can also be really mellow.

Josie also smiles! She adores Robert, who has a smidgen more patience for her excessive energy.

Margo is my girl. And I am hers. We have a few rituals. One revolves around tea. After I eat I almost always have a cup of tea. Margo patiently waits until I'm finished eating. When I pick up my tea she creeps over and lays her head in my lap for love. She almost always starts drooling and is very particular about how she gets love. Face then neck then butt. Lots of drool. Repeat repeat repeat. I now keep a little box of tissues nearby for the drool. Sometimes I confuse her and drink tea while I'm still eating or I do something terrible and start reading. When this happens she waits patiently until I figure out whatever terrible mistake I've made and I put the food or book down. She has waited as long as five pages for me to come to my senses. I won't break your heart and tell you how she sometimes waits a long time before throwing herself to the floor in total despair.

Monkey Retrievers

I think it's fair to say we've run out of ways to entertain ourselves around here. Thankfully Margo and Josie are full of ideas. 

Rose and Ella were choosy about textures. They didn't like walking on plastic or rubber and were so terrified of the ramp that led up to the self-service dog bath, we just had to lift them into the bath like the 90 pound princesses they were. Ella thought it was great fun to be lifted gently into her bath by her royal subjects. Rose flailed around like we were going to drop her at any second.

Any time Margo and Josie see a playground they nearly lose it. They want to run over every part of it, jump off every ledge, and now their enthusiasm has even given them the confidence to try the previously-dreaded slide. Margo will actually slide down the slide just like a child will. Josie will start to slide and then make a spectacular leap when she's had enough. It is one of the funniest things ever. I've been laughing too hard to take a proper video but hope to soon.

When Josie saw a child in a tree a few days ago she actually started climbing the tree! Fortunately the child thought it was hilarious and we were able to stop Josie before she got too far. 

There is no such thing as a dull day around here. 

Ok

I don't have a lot to write about these days and some days I'm ok with this. Other days I feel a bit concerned I'm not keeping my mind and eyes open.

I think traveling gives us a new perspective, experiences we haven't had, which gives us back our childlike wonder. There have been a few moments when I start to miss the adventures we used to go on, the weekends we took off for some exotic place like Nebraska or Arkansas. I usually scold myself for this because my family is incredibly fortunate. We have been healthy, working mostly from home with all the comforts we sometimes take for granted - adequate shelter, air conditioning, jobs, and enough space in our home to get away from each other for our work. I often think about folks who came to the library for all of these things before the pandemic, and I feel equally grateful and guilty. 

Most days I am content to remain hunkered down and away from people while we get this virus figured out. I know too many people who are at risk, people I adore and already fret over because of their ages and illnesses. I know people who are struggling with the complications from the virus weeks after they contracted it. 

I recognize I'm very much an introvert so that's working in my favor too. Pre-pandemic I would go for walks and find myself turning in a completely different direction when I saw another person. I still do this, especially when I'm attempting to take a people break. Pre-pandemic I went from taking days off work because I needed a break from people. Now I work almost every day due to programming and telephone reference, and though it's more exhausting to provide services and programs for patrons in a virtual environment, I have more opportunities to take breaks from people, small chunks of time I can get away. 

Rachel is still set to go back to her university soon, but we've heard stories of schools changing their minds the day before students move back to their dorms. Rachel is more than ready to leave, but Robert and I are nervous about her going. School is such a sticky wicket! 

Izzy is doing well. She is in a long-term care facility and we have no idea when she's going to start school or how it's going to work. We talk to her almost every day and visited with her last week (while social distancing). We're still waiting for answers that may not exist. It's a one-day-at-a-time journey.

But like I said, not a lot is going on here. Today I think I'm ok with that.

Until we meet again

Yesterday we said goodbye to one of the best and funniest friends I've ever had. Ella just simply couldn't stand up anymore, not even to go potty. The pain pills that the vet prescribed didn't make any difference and over the course of about 48 hours Ella lost the use of her back legs. Robert called the place that Rose went to at the end of her journey, and verified we could be in the room with her. It was the same room where we said goodbye to Rose just over two years ago. Robert said he wouldn't be surprised if Rose waited patiently those two and a half years so she could be there for Ella and give her crap when she passed on.

Ella would have turned 13 today. 

I've had some good buddies in my day, both furry and human, but Ella is at the very top of my list. After Rose picked her out - out of dozens of dogs we visited - and carried her by the scruff of her neck to the car (this is the best Ella story), I wasn't sure I trusted Rose's opinion anymore. Ella was a complete jerk from day one. For the first three years of her life I kept trying to convince Robert to find her a new home. She ate about half of my shoes, all the base boards in our last home, and once, an entire box of $50 chocolates. 

While I was trying to get rid of her, something magical was happening. I remember trying to keep an eye on her every second she was out of her kennel, in the hopes of salvaging a few of my belongings I'm sure. For example, whenever I did laundry I plopped her in the basket first, dumped the dirty clothes on her and carried her to the basement. She would run around and eat spiders while I washed and folded laundry and when I was done, I would dump her back into the basket with the clean laundry. I carried her around in that damn basket for the first year of her life, and before I knew it, I found myself liking her sometimes. I couldn't help but be amused by her antics, her kiss-my-ass personality. She did as she pleased and enjoyed life to the fullest. It was tough not to be a little jealous of that kind of attitude. Rose came into our lives about as perfect as a dog can be. We were told repeatedly (and still get told repeatedly) that golden retrievers are the best dogs. Well here was this was puppy with the death glares and the horrid behavioral problems who appeared to be proving everyone wrong.

Before I knew it Ella had a hold on me. And perhaps due to my admiration or amusement she became a fan of me as well. She loved all of her admirers. And who knows, she may have had similar opinions of me - "well, here's this loud, obnoxious human who's always yelling at me, but she's kind of funny and hateful some times. I can appreciate that."

I wanted to call her Eloise. And though Robert immediately vetoed that, she was always a bit of an Eloise to me - a proper-sounding name that can turn white trash in the blink of the eye (my apologies to those of you named Eloise). She eventually became Thug Muffin (due to her tough exterior and sometimes, soft interior). She was also Ezzy Bez, Butternut Squash, and a few other cutesy names. One of the names she earned with age and wisdom was White-Faced Ghost Killah. A couple goofy things she did encouraged the rest of her nicknames. Whenever she flopped down, she would find the most unladylike ways to do so - mostly flat on her back, sometimes with only her butt in your face. Then she would give you The Stare. The Come Pet My Belly Stare. Because of this we started calling her a ho, which led to Skanky Doodle Dandy, Hootie and the Ho Fish (90s music has robbed a significant amount of my brain cells), and other unflattering nicknames. Most of the time she wasn't Ella. She was simply Skank.

If you click on this picture you can see that it didn't matter where she was. She made herself comfortable.

I have been immensely impacted by her zest for life. She went after everything with more gusto than one would think possible for a beefy golden retriever. She wasn't graceful in most things, only in the things she was passionate about. She went from Rug of Love (another nickname) to Furry Warrior with a Helicopter Tail whenever a ball was involved. She tore through lakes, creeks, lawns, fields, and swimming pools like the wind coming to life. When she went tearing after a ball I couldn't help it. I wanted my passion for life to be exactly like that. She gave everything she loved 100% and when she was tired she took a break and plopped herself down just exactly the way she wanted to. 

She was also my protector. I could be standing on the other side of the house, spot a spider, and before I made so much as a squeak, she would be right there next to me. This became both a little more sad and a little bit funnier as she grew older. The last couple times I spotted a spider I would hear her labored steps as she slowly click-clacked her way across the house to come give that spider some old lady whoop ass. Ella would also magically appear any time I was in tears or near tears. I truly believe she could smell my pain. Though she wasn't one for snuggles, she would come find me, squeeze herself next to me, and thrust her bony old-man elbows into my thighs before settling in. It was as if she thought she could vacuum some of the pain away with her body, and that's exactly how it felt.

She was my shadow, or perhaps more accurately, I was hers. I followed her around like the sun and the moon and the earth and all the planets revolved around her. 

Even as she got older, she stayed true to who she was. Once a jerk face, always a jerk face. In the mornings she would wait until I was settled in and eating breakfast before making her way out of the bedroom, ready for her morning routine. She would even give me a look like, "are you comfy yet?" Because I often had breakfast on our couch I figured out how she knew I was just getting settled in and decided to be sneaky. Before I sat down for breakfast I would hit the button for the foot rest, which makes a creaking sound. She would come stumbling out of the bedroom thinking I had settled in with my breakfast and shoot me the dirtiest look like, "You butthead. You tricked me." We had constant wars like this with each other and I doubt I'll meet another creature or person who delights in it as much as she did. 

While she was passing on I wanted to tell her that where she was going was better, that she would get everything her ornery little heart desired, and that she wouldn't be in pain anymore. But I struggled to tell her all this because I'm selfish - once a jerk face, always a jerk face. I still have years of things I want to say to her, years of romping through the woods, and throwing balls caked with slime into swamps filled with slime, years of long walks and ice-cream runs. So I decided to give her an impossible task, one I'm sure she will give 100%. I told her I wanted her to live in doggy paradise. I told her I wanted her to come back and live many more happy lives and bring happiness to as many people and creatures as possible. And most selfishly, I asked her to wait for me.  

Here are a few of my favorite Ella pictures:

Rose teaching Ella how to swim:



The Ella approach to frisbee (and life):



The best kind of nap:





Ordering ice cream at her favorite drive-thru:



Lounging with Rose:



Always hopeful:









The day we picked out her wagon:

piles of dead fish and paper

Here's a quick update of what's going on in our neck of the woods:

Rachel's been hard at work re-creating a Goya painting (with acrylics thankfully). One of her assignments is to re-create a famous painting that's as close to the original as she can get. Naturally she chose a pile of dead fish. 

I've been doing the paparazzi thing when I walk by her room, snapping pictures of her progress.

And yes, Rachel is a bit of a slob. She's not only a bit of a slob, she also does that thing that creative people do, where we abandon everything but the project we're working on.

We made our tried and true orange rolls recipe, which needs to prove twice but is totally worth it.

These are without icing for a reason. We're usually unanimous about not putting icing on things in our house and when we're not, we put it on the side.

Izzy and I have been working on our first collage together. We've been cutting out pieces for a couple weeks and just started pasting the pieces down.

Our little book club is still going but has evolved. I'm a little proud of it. It goes like this:

1. Read a chapter

2. We each pick out a favorite word from the chapter and write a poem with the word.

3. Izzy uses an old-fashioned dictionary to look up the words. She writes them on index cards for the future.

4. We also talk about what we've read that day.

5. We go over the flashcards before we read each day.

This is going to help her with spelling and vocabulary. She has also expressed interest in poetry and has attempted to write it. But I don't think she's had much experience with reading/listening to it and learning about it. While we craft together I put my music on shuffle. My music library has a ton of poetry mixed in so she's started listening to it as well.

We've been taking a lot of walks. I've been compiling a lot inspiration for future art projects.

This is Josie-pie with Robert. Any time we come up to a wall she immediately leaps up. She loves jumping. Margo has never jumped up on a wall. She was even scared to get in the fountaing. 

But look at Josie's face. Isn't that the sweetest face? She really wants to be a good dog but she has energy for days (which is code for trouble) and still assaults people with her love. She's a hoot.

You've got to spread joy up to the maximum

We are doing well! 

Robert and I developed a schedule for Izzy that's helped tremendously. Because her grades were good before spring break she doesn't really need to do anything extra. Her sophomore year is done. But she needs to keep everything she's learned fresh in her mind in addition to continuing the learning itself. Her teachers have been sending her school work and the head of her IEP team has been in constant contact, helping us develop a plan. Robert and I are using a combination of some of her school work with activities we've come up with. We have also transitioned both her primary therapy and the additional therapy and group therapy provided by the county through virtual sessions. We officially have a day-by-day plan for her that we implemented last Wednesday and Izzy's relaxed a bit now that there's structure in her life again. 

Rachel has been slogging through her studies. My office, Robert's office, and Rachel's room are all upstairs. I often peek in her room unless she's in an online class. Chemistry has been tough. I think she was getting a lot of additional help at KU, so that's been a change for her. She does seem to be enjoying one of her design classes and also typography.  I'm enjoying having her at home and definitely feel like I know more about her classes than I did when she was at the university.  Rachel and I also have the same sense of humor, and it's nice to have someone around who laughs at the same stuff I do (mostly we laugh uproariously when random blobs of food hit the floor while we're making dinner). That's the style of humor we have. It goes completely over Izzy's head and Robert just shoots us a stern nerd look. This of course makes whatever silly situation that is happening that much funnier.

Robert's work has slowed a bit now that his clients are set up at home, but he's still working just as much as I am, if not more.  His car broke down just as this was all starting. For a couple years we have been planning on getting new cars but life keeps happening (Europe trip, new child, expanding the nerd business etc.). Because the cost of fixing his car was astronomical we made the decision to purchase a new car. A few months ago Robert also ordered custom desks for his office (a necessary life happening). They were scheduled to be here in May but were delivered last week. So there's been an added layer of chaos with the new shiny things, but we've been enjoying the plethora of desk space in Robert's office for homework, crafting, and library work. I'm sure he'll eventually get his desks back. We've also taken a couple joy rides in the new car, which has offered a nice break (if you call watching all our favorite restaurants struggle to say in business while Robert blares the Pitch Perfect soundtracks a break).

I've been doing well. I've been thoroughly enjoying my library work at home. I miss the patrons and all the interactions with both patrons and coworkers that shapes everything I do, but I've enjoyed spending extra time on projects, brainstorming new ideas/projects, and using my office space (and Robert's) to work on everything while blaring loud rap music (only in my office, which we designed to be mostly sound proof, no joke). I haven't heard a screaming toddler in over two weeks, which is usually my background "music" for work, and it's a nice break. I have been making enormous strides with puppets, slowly learning the ukulele, and leisurely watching videos of amazing people doing extraordinary things with libraries and early literacy. I also have all my side projects and "homeschooling" Izzy to keep me super busy when I'm not librarying.

At the end of the day we all take a long walk with each other and afterwards, settle in with dinner and Star Trek (NG). I'm enjoying my family and am taking it one day at a time. 

Before COVID-19 I walked maybe 1-2 miles each work day and on the weekends, 3-5 miles a day. Now we're walking 2-4 miles most work days and about 5-7 miles on the weekends. It's a great way to casually talk about what's going on with everybody, whereas at dinner it can sometimes feel like an interrogation with Rachel and Izzy.

Occasionally our schedules don't line up and we can't all walk together. The rule is everyone has to take the dogs out every day, even if it's just around the block. This means the dogs are occasionally getting three walks a day. They've been a lot more mellow because of this.

Robert and I have braved the store twice since this started. Both times we had several meal plans in case the store was out of something we needed for a recipe. We are only making tried and true recipes during this time, which is sad for me because I like trying new things. But I am super thankful I began compiling all our favorite recipes in two places a few months ago. I've been scanning/taking pictures of all the recipes we love and also keep them in an official binder. Making meal plans has been super easy because of this. One of our favorite things has been this kale salad recipe I got from a coworker several years ago. We also add pepper and slivered almonds to it. It's amazing and all four of us love it, which is close to a miracle. The only other meal we can all agree on is baked chicken and broccoli. 

We bought all the kale we could find the last time we shopped and tripled the recipe. It's like eating sunshine.

Here is one desk Robert put together and he's hard at work putting the other one together in this picture. With his old desk (which was my grandma's), he now has three desks, which is hopefully enough to put all the computers he's working on (and Izzy's homework and whatever crafting/library thing I'm working on).

Ella has been relishing the extra attention. She loves when Rachel is home. When I come downstairs to take a tea break I usually find Rachel snuggled up with Ella during one of her breaks. Rachel has even fallen asleep this way. Ella likes her quiet time, but loves all the extra love we've been able to smother her with.

new weird normal

It's taken several days, but our family has settled into our new, temporary routine.  

I've been working at home since last week, Robert has been a lot busier helping businesses work from home, and Rachel started her online classes this week. We still don't know if Izzy will be continuing her semester classes online or finishing the semester with her 3rd quarter grades. Last semester she started over with math, which is what I had to do when I started college. It's crazy but true. I started with first grade math and worked my way up to Algebra, which is as far as I needed to make it in order to graduate. I had huge holes in my education, and Izzy's the same way. She is almost finished with second grade math (in addition to wading through high school geometry). A couple weeks ago we were given permission and access to have her start over with English as well as math. She does a few lessons each day and Robert and I help her with the tricky stuff. Other than that, she's largely without things to do. She struggles to entertain herself and is quite social. It's been really tough for her so we're hopeful we can get some online learning of some kind or another set up for her. 

Even though I'm working from home, I've been waking up at my normal time, some time between 5 and 6, and have continued my morning yoga and quick jog with one of the puppies. Before breakfast, Izzy and I usually read a bit of the last book that was assigned to her for her English class, which is Malala. Izzy, Robert, and I have breakfast together and develop a daily plan for Izzy before Robert and I "go to work." One of us wakes Rachel up at 8. She has classes all day two days of the week and then it's very random. She will lay in her bed all day if we don't hassle her. This happened during winter break as well. She's been doing much better this time around, getting up when we ask her to, and participating in family activities. We usually all have lunch together unless one of us needs to keep working. Then we work for a few more hours before I round up whoever is free for an afternoon walk.  One of us makes dinner or heats up leftovers and I usually squeeze in another hour or two of work that's not library work. We have dinner and afterwards Izzy and I usually read a bit more Malala. 

I'm hoping we find out about Izzy's classes here in the next few days. We've also got to make another trip to the grocery store here soon, which I'm dreading, but it's a two-person job and we're out of quite a few things at this point.

What's everyone else doing during this bizarro time? I hope everyone has settled into a new, temporary routine and enjoying the unexpected extra family/pet time.

Here are a few pictures of our new normal:

When we go for walks we try to look for the unusual. My friend, Ann, who's a poet calls these moments her 'haiku moments,' so that's how I now think of them too.

Ella has definitely been enjoying the extra company. She's a big fan of Rachel.

If Rachel's not sleeping whenever I duck my head into her room, there's usually something unexpected going on in there.