Sunday, July 31, 2016

never tell anyone to sell their friends

The other day a patron asked me to find a book on Care Bears.

"Would you like a story book?" I asked.

"No, I'd like one about collectibles," she responded.

"Ah," I said. "Would you like pricing information for selling them?" I asked.

She leaned in, and with her hand, smacked the desk with every syllable. "I would never sell any of my friends," she hissed, as her face flushed, rather appropriately, the exact shade as Love-A-Lot Bear.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Thanks Audrey and Carolyne!

Robert's mom, Audrey, and grandma, Carolyne, just got back from a road trip that was a little er... unusual.  

Audrey and Carolyne visited family, yes, and had a jolly good time, yes.

But these sweet (I reserve the right to change this adjective without any given notice) ladies planned their trip around... 

getting an amazing discount on lightbulbs for the remodel.

Thanks Audrey and Carolyne!

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Dear Jackson Galaxy, I bookmark you

Another great staff picks pairing!

Though my bookmark (and heart, really) belong to Catification I highly recommend both of these. And that way there's none of that favoritism crap going on.  Although I'm pretty sure there aren't any doggies in Dogma...  Looks like I need to watch it again!

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

roadkill art!

Over the weekend I did some much-needed and very happy gallivanting around town with family.  

We went to the Strawberry Swing Indie Craft Fair, and no amount of heat and humidity dampened our delight.  

I found three necklaces - a rather large and serene sloth, a dainty cutout made from an old tea tin and a genuine skunk jaw (roadkill art!).  My mom and I also found some neat headbands with a wire inside so they're super versatile.  

Rachel collected cards from nearly every booth and also scored a super cool pocket watch with a floral front and a ribcage backing (not a real ribcage you silly goose).  

I also had a chance to gab with (and possibly freak out) two local embroidery artists, both doing entirely different and exciting things with their art. I enthusiastically told the first embroidery artist that we should be friends, and when I met the second artist I kept the enthusiasm in check so maybe I have a chance with her.  

After the Strawberry fair we swam on over to the Cultivate fair, which was really just one big Chipotle advertisement.  But Rachel got to see the Mowglis (very important) while my mom and I discovered the dozen or so breweries that were sampling their goods (also very important).  Turns out I have a new favorite beer that I can't stop thinking about.  It's by Perennial Artisan Ales and it's called the Suburban, and if you are into sour beers it's pure orange-lemon-lime happiness. Crane Brewing Company was also there, and is still my favorite brewery.  I've gone to events just for them.  When I was recovering from knee surgery a couple years ago I hobbled my way to an event because I knew Crane would be there.  They can do no wrong.  

It was a really great weekend.  Going to tuck away all the happiness for a rainy day.    

Monday, July 25, 2016

more taco pizzas

After six days of an excessive heat warning that wasn't even lifted during the evenings we finally have a break.  

One morning during the heat wave Robert, Cousin Rachel, Rose and I bravely (and dumbly) walked to get some breakfast.  On the way back I decided to let Rose have a little dip in the pond.

Thirty minutes later she still hadn't moved an inch! It was a new record for her.  I finally had to tell her very sweetly that due to coffee at breakfast and the constant fountain noises that my bladder was seconds away from exploding.  So she got out.  

This is a good time to talk about a couple of big things going on with Robert and I.  Ella didn't go on the walk with us because she has been limping for a few weeks now.  We took her to the vet and it turns out that she has a torn ACL.  She is going through the stages of getting fitted for a brace, and once she gets it we are hoping she gets healed up fast.

The second thing that is happening is a bit on the ginormous side.  It has been decided that Cousin Rachel, who is going to be a sophomore in high school this year, is going to finish out high school here in the city.  So, yes, this means that she is officially living with us.  She is coming to stay with us for a couple of reasons.  Firstly, she wasn't hanging out with the best crowd at her old high school and really needs a fresh start.  And more importantly, she is an incredibly bright kid who wasn't being challenged at the school she was going to and will have a lot more opportunities here.  

For the moment she seems very accepting of this radical change and is handling it with aplomb, an astonishing amount of maturity and a fair amount of enthusiasm.  I am incredibly proud of her for this, but also recognize that this is a very humongous change for not only her, but also Robert and I and her parents.  It's going to be an awesome journey because she's a wonderful person who's just figuring out who she is.  But it's going to be challenging.  The biggest challenge at the moment is that we are living in a pretty cramped space so she has absolutely no privacy.  Because of this we are trying to hurry the remodel along.  The next couple months are going to be ridiculously crazy.

There will be new stories of this crazy journey, and maybe more swearing.  There will be new perspective!  And once Rachel gets more comfortable, I hope there will be a lot more silliness and craft parties and urban adventures and taco pizzas.  And maybe she will grow confident in herself and learn lots of stuff and make new healthy friendships and try new things and want to share all this with everyone who loves her.    

Monday, July 18, 2016

might as well jump

Another totally random staff picks pairing:

Here is a zoomed-in image of the Wild at Heart book:

Sunday, July 17, 2016

when life gives you decapitated gummy bears...

Today, while checking books in at the library, I found a colorful beer coaster in a book of poetry by Elizabeth Bishop.

Later I found these lovely leaves in a hydrangea book:

Totally makes up for the satantic scary shit I found last week, which was a handful of green gummy bears, some melted, some decapitated, inside of an audiobook.  An adult audiobook.  

Don't worry, I made a disgusting green lemonade with the help of about 40 clorox wipes : ). 

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Curious George gets spanked

Today at the library an elderly man approached the desk, handed me a dvd and asked if I could read the description on the back.  

"Sure!" I said, happy to help.  

As I started to read he leaned in.  "My hearing aint too good. Speak up."

At some point while reading sentence three it dawned on me that I was reading some sketchy stuff.  I faltered only half a second before continuing on. Despite the overwhelming urge to simultaneously disappear and hurl chunks everywhere I kept smiling and pretending I was reading the description, for say, a Curious George movie instead of this:

"The Little Death is a truly original comedy about sex, love, relationships and taboo. In a multi story narrative, we peer behind the closed doors of a seemingly normal suburban street. A woman with a dangerous fantasy and the partners who struggle to please her. A man who begins an affair with his own wife without her knowing anything about it. A couple struggling to keep things together after a sexual experiment spins out of control. A woman who can only find pleasure in her husband's pain. A call centre operator caught in the middle of a dirty and chaotic phone call. And the distractingly charming new neighbour who connects them all. The little Death explores why do we want what we want? How far will we go to get it? What are the consequences of that fleeting moment of sexual ecstasy?"

About halfway through the description the elderly gentleman stopped me, and when I glanced up he wasn't the only one looking intrigued.  Yep, folks, the entire library wanted to watch it after that.  

Thankfully the elderly gentleman saved the day by asking, "So it's a comedy, right?"

Friday, July 15, 2016

yes, we want all your money MUAHAHAHA

At the library today a lady and her toddler approached the desk with a book. While opening the book and flipping to a ripped page the lady said, "we'd like to pay for the damage done to this book by baby brother."

After looking at her account and verifying that she was an excellent patron in good standing I gave her the "I'm going to take care of this today and I appreciate your honesty" speech. The lady thanked me and put her credit card away.

As they were leaving I heard the little girl ask her mom, "So we don't have to give them all our money?"

Tuesday, July 12, 2016


Most of the mudding and sanding are done!!

Unfortunately, two rooms failed the paint sample test.  The colors were just shy of hideous.  So we've still got a little more paint to pick out.  Tomorrow we meet with the man who is doing our built-ins and kitchen cabinets!

Saturday, July 9, 2016


Today the bell rang while I was in the back doing very important library things (singing to Pandora while I counted down the minutes until I could give the 15 minute announcement).  

I came out front and there was a very tall gentleman at the counter.  He pushed his card and a handful of coins towards me.

Paying some fines today? I asked politely.

HANDS OUT OF THE PANTS! he shouted in an enormous bear voice.

The thirty or so people in the building who were talking and running around printing and frantically finishing up their last-minute library mayhem suddenly became very quiet.  Not a single sound to be heard.  Footsteps halted in mid-step and several dozen eyes snapped towards the front counter.  I'm pretty sure I heard a bird taking a crap outside.  It was that quiet. 

Before I could stutter a 'pardon me' he shouted again.  


With that he scooped up a toddler who had, until that moment, been invisible to me as I was on the other side of the desk. As he picked her up he very deftly pulled her hands out of her ruffled knickers while nodding at me.  

My change? he asked politely.

After he left I gave the fifteen minute announcement in a very calm and assured voice the most shakiest and squeakiest voice ever.  

It sounded something like, can yyyy'all leave here ssoon so I can gggggo home and ddie?  

I came back out front and as one of the regulars whizzed past me I swear I heard the word pants.  

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

tiny house living, victorious birds and frilly knickers

So many book duds this month!  And to make matters worse the books all seemed to be promising enough to get quite a ways into before falling apart for one reason or another.

Thankfully these three books saved the day!

The Big Tiny by Dee Williams

I've already reviewed this book.  Darn!  For the few days it took to read this it felt like I was building both a tiny house and a mammoth one.  It was the best kind of confusing.  Sadly the smallest house I could live in would have to be big enough to accommodate my library.  

Feathers for Lunch by Lois Ehlert

Ehlert's illustrations always stir up happiness. It is no secret that I idolize her artistry. In this book she does an amazing job of not only bringing in the reader with her brilliant artwork, she also uses a lot of text. The text has three layers - the simple story of the cat trying to catch a birdy, the names of flowers and birdies, and also the sounds of not only the cat's collar but fun birdy sounds too. The glossary of birdies in the back is an extra treat. 

Underpants Dance by Marlena Zapf and Illustrated by Lynne Avril

Everyday millions of pretty underpants are completely hidden from the world. Sure we know we have frills and strawberries and unicorns on our underpants, but sometimes it isn't enough that we are the only ones who know*. Lily has awesome underpants and through hilarious antics, quirky illustrations and lots of dancing, she shares her underpants with the world. By the end of this book you will be saying you go girl!

*if you are adult and you know better keep your knickers to yourself