I could only gasp in horror

At work yesterday I was buried in a pile of projects and emails that needed attention.  Just as I was digging into the pile a shadow loomed over me rather suddenly.  A patron who looked a little like Miss Trunchbull from Matilda was holding the biggest laptop case I had ever seen.  She asked me to help her with wireless and when she pulled the laptop out I could only gasp in horror.  Covering every part of the laptop except the keyboard were dozens of bandaids of all shapes and sizes, colors and designs, some almost shredded with what I could only imagine as wear and tear.

"You like my collection?" She asked proudly.  I could only nod.  "I'm on my feet all day and so I have lots of blisters.  My friends started buying me these crazy bandaids and I just couldn't throw them away.  They're too pretty." She reverently touched a wad of them with the same fondness one would use to pet a cat.

"Ok, let's set it here," I said, stepping back and pointing to the desk.  From a safe distance I asked her to turn it on.  The desktop image flickered before showing a Calvin Klein type of model laying on his stomach.  His smile was seductive, hair hanging in his eyes.  And just above his very low pants lay a poorly photoshopped unicorn in the small of his back.  "Isn't it cute?" she asked, obviously watching my eyes travel.  "Oh, sure, yes," I mumbled before pointing to the wifi at the bottom and giving her the rest of the instructions.

I almost thought about introducing her to the gentleman er...patron who had been sitting at one of our computers for most of the day with his bare feet propped up on the desk.  Who, every once in awhile would pull a foot close to his face for inspection before leisurely stretching out again.

But I'm not a matchmaker.