office nesting

My office has come a long way since 2015 when it was just a dream. 

I am the proud owner of a ginormous peg board, which still has room to grow. Scissors are always easy to find. So is tape and my favorite pens and markers, which I hang to utilize space. 

I just put up one of two printers trays I found a few years ago at a thrift store. I've only got the first one up and there are still empty spaces, which means lots of room to grow. It's nice to have all my itty bitty cherished possessions in one spot, easy to pick up and touch. One of my favorite knick-knacks is my fairy, which opens at the bottom and has two porcelain flowers and a butterfly. My brother, Rusty, got it for me when I was a teenager. It's a reminder to add surprises to everything I make. 

My mother-in-law, Audrey, made me these beautiful cloth bowls for the holidays. I pick them up, move them from station to station as I change projects, and they bring me so much joy. I have no idea where they will land in my office or what I will put in them. But for now, they are filled with joy.

Prior to the pandemic, I spent a little time each month combing through one of my favorite thrift or craft stores. It was my way to get unstuck during a project or to celebrate the end of a project. I would usually find something - fabric, ribbon, paper - that would inform a project, sometimes completely changing the direction. 

A few months ago I came up with the idea of randomly picking out a few thread colors each time I was ready to start another project. Though I haven't used the colors all together, it's helped shake up my habit of reaching for the same colors. I can't wait to go thrifting again though!

As the week progresses, I find my office growing increasingly cluttered. I start using floor space when I run out of desk space, and I usually don't even have a spot for my tea by the end of the week. By Friday or Saturday I'm tiptoeing around piles of things and usually cannot use my chair any longer because it's piled up with things as well. 

But every time I'm in my office I love it and am grateful for what it's become and how it's taking on the shape of my art and projects. It's a living refuge of light, color, and beauty.

Roadkill Revisited

A poem of mine, Roadkill, which was published in Slippery Elm's 2019 edition, is available in their web archive. 

My golden lovelies, Rose and Ella, make an appearance in this poem. I'll never forget the memory of the poem. When I worked at a closer library branch Rose and Ella would join me on my walk to work sometimes, and I would call the taxi aka Robert whenever they became tired or on the rare mornings when they made it all the way (this was in their old lady years) . Our walks only happened when the taxi was available. We saw lots of strange things on those walks, but the "roadkill" was the strangest. I think we were all on edge as we approached it. And boy did I laugh like a maniac when we finally got a good look at it!

I giggled the entire time I discharged books that morning because of Rose and Ella's reactions to the roadkill as we approached it. When I went to lunch I quickly jotted down the first draft of the poem.

Needless to say, when I told Ella one of my poems about her had been published she just gave a big sigh and went back to sleep.

drool art

We're having a pretty mild winter so far. One snow brought six inches and another snow brought just a couple. Both Margo and Josie enjoy the snow immensely so they would like to have a bit more. I'm fine with the whole 50 degrees tennis weather one day and blustery snowy weather the next. 

I look up to my dogs in many ways. One of the biggest things I admire about them though, is their complete lack of vanity. They don't let how they look get in the way of how much fun they have. Margo often gets so excited her drool flies back up into her face and creates a beautiful piece of art. She simply has too much face and not enough muscle to contain all of it. It's the most beautiful kind of gross.

Joy Flower

I started this piece with three doodles in mind, doodles I had been looping and dotting across most of the papers lying around my house and office for months. I didn't know how the doodles were going to work together and I didn't really practice combining all three of them. I also knew I wanted to play with using different amounts of thread, and not in any kind of pattern. So when I thought I finished the piece, having used all three doodles, I was surprised there was still more work to do. I was briefly disappointed. But it was as if each blemish was highlighted and it told me quietly what color it wanted to fix it. So I sat down, ready to fix the mistakes, and when it still wasn't done after that, I sat down again. I did this for several days - sitting down and fixing one flaw and then taking a step back. And then one day, when I wasn't expecting it, the piece was suddenly done. 

I was surprised pretty much the entire time I worked on this piece. It definitely took on a life of its own. Though I was initially disappointed that it wasn't done when I thought it would be, I grew to love the process of searching for what needed attention, fixing the spot, stepping away, and coming back to it again and again with fresh perspective. It's definitely a zen piece in that regard, but it's the first time I've found zen in the repetitious chore of fixing flaws in a piece.

Favorite December Reads Part 2

 

The Blue House by Phoebe Wahl (Picture Book)

Wahl's illustrations took my emotions on a rollercoaster. I felt everything through her art - coziness (messy but comfortable home), love (Leo dancing and cooking with his dad), loss (Leo hearing his dad on the phone talking about how their home would be torn down next), helplessness (how they handled their grief of losing their home through music), and acceptance (painting the walls). Wahl must disappear into some kind of magical realm when she's creating her books because I, too, briefly disappear when reading them. I especially enjoyed the record sleeves and expressions on the cat's face!

Eat Joy edited by Natalie Eve Garrett (Adult Nonfiction)

A touching and beautiful collection of essays by a wide variety of authors, some well-known and others I've never heard of before. This is all about comfort food, and while a few recipes sound interesting, it's not really a traditional cookbook (a few example recipes are brownies from a box mix, a blueberry pie made with tears, and a Seder brisket made with green chilies). Each author's essay shines a light on a comfort food that has helped them find joy and brings up a memory or lots of memories. Favorite essays are Anthony Doerr's Homesick at the Outer Edge of the World (he has the brownie mix recipe), Heather Sellers' A Brief Recipe for Happiness (As a child she tried to slip unusual food items into her mom's shopping cart with zero success), Colum McCann's Dessert (he turns an ordinary moment of a woman eating chocolate cake alone into something extraordinary), Lev Grossman's General Tso (General Tso's Tofu soothes the pain he felt after his divorce), and Rakesh Satyal's Bake Your Fear (he combats bullying with baking).

Everything Naomi Loved by Katie Yamasaki & Ian Lendler (Picture Book)

The message of community, connection, change, and acceptance is beautiful. I love the music, light, and rainbows swirling across each page like different threads representing all the beauty of the world, including Naomi's community and neighborhood, a neighborhood which is slowly razed by progress. I love how Mister Ray teaches Naomi how to hang onto things that go away by painting their images on a wall. The way Naomi carries the memories of her old neighborhood and creates a way to keep them alive in her new neighborhood will fill your heart with joy, and the threads of music, light, and rainbows will continue off the last page and swirl right into you.

P.S. Here is a must-see video about this book:

You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson (Teen Fiction)

Liz Lighty is a fierce and lovable character who is surrounded by an eclectic and supportive group of friends. Though her family is small, they don't have much money, and her brother has a serious disease, they are super tight and supportive of each other. Liz is under a lot of stress. It's her senior year and she finds out she's not getting a scholarship to the college of her dreams. In a desperate attempt at another scholarship, she signs up for this prom marathon thing that lasts for weeks! I hope proms aren't like this - lots of volunteering that doesn't make a lot of sense, cheesy events, and intense scrutiny for weeks. I can't imagine the pressure! Liz's character is beautifully human and flawed (bravo Leah Johnson!), so she naturally makes some mistakes. But she never completely changes who she is or takes anyone down with her insecurities or desperate need to win. Her relationship with Amanda is my favorite part of the story. It's not a perfect relationship, but their care and love for each other is evident even when the relationship is falling apart. Overall, You Should See Me in a Crown has it all - complex and lovable characters, an intense, though slightly weird, competition, just a touch of angst, and a satisfying ending full of hope.

Favorite December Reads Part 1

December was another great month of reading so this will be a double post. I normally have motivation for days. I wake up running and zig-zag happily through my daily lists and projects until I fall into bed. For whatever reason I struggled with motivation in December. Any chance I could, any small break I had I was either napping or reading. I think it's possible I was trying to hibernate. 

Here are my December favorites!

Every Child a Song by Nicola Davies and illustrated by Marc Martin (Picture Book)

Reading the Foreword and also The Rights of the UNCRC at the end of the book are musts. Usually I'll skip a foreword completely or read it at the end if I really enjoy a book. But after I read this book I thought to myself, "holy moly, this is a super heavy topic to talk about with children. How does one explain to children what their rights are and that some kids don't have them?" That's when I read everything else in the book. I think Every Child a Song raises more questions than answers, but I think this is a good thing. It's one of those books that sneaks up on you and makes you wonder about a lot things. The gorgeous illustrations certainly help balance the heaviness of the topic.

milk and honey by rupi kaur (Adult Nonfiction)

I tried reading this book when it first came out and remember feeling immensely uncomfortable with the content (sexual abuse alert) and also a little perturbed by the simplicity of the poems. I put it on my poetry shelf with a note to try it again later. So I did, and I definitely still feel uncomfortable, but I also now recognize I need to embrace my own vulnerability if I'm going to read something so brazenly vulnerable and open. 

Even though the book is broken up into four sections - the hurting, the loving, the breaking, the healing, Kaur's journey from shame to self-empowerment isn't linear. Her hurting is evident even during the healing, and you can tell that writing about the hurt and sharing it with others is healing. This is how trauma works, and I'm so glad Kaur has represented it this way. 

Though Kaur is definitely taking the easiest route to connect with others, and her poetry is tailored for social media, it is surprisingly profound at times. I also feel like her story and message aren't compromised by accessibility (I love accessible poetry, but it can go too far). I also appreciate any book that helps others heal and builds connections through its words. I'm glad I didn't donate this after the first reading and it’s a good reminder to give books a second chance. On days, when I'm feeling vulnerable or consumed in some of that dark stuff that tends to mire us all every now and then, I will definitely reach for this book. Oh and yes, there's artwork. Not my cup of tea, but there are lots of people who have gotten tattoos of it, so I'm in the minority on this one. 

I will leave you with my favorite poem, "we are all born so beautiful the greatest tragedy is being convinced we are not."

Snapdragon by Kat Leyh (Juvenile Graphic Fiction)

This is my new favorite middle grade graphic novel. The characters are just so real and their strengths and flaws so beautifully portrayed. The main character, Snaps, isn't pretty and she definitely isn't feminine but she totally embraces it. She has a surly face, giant eyebrows, and doesn't like 'girly' clothes. She is also incredibly loving, charismatic as all get out, and enthusiastic about her passions. She's pretty much my hero. The other characters are equally detailed and beautiful. Snaps' mom, Violet, kicks butt as a single mom. Though she's working hard, she's very much involved in Snaps' life. There is a moment where Snaps gives her friend, Lulu, her mom's purple skirt without asking. It's a huge step for Lulu to wear the skirt. The way that Violet handles the situation is kind and accepting, and just about the best way to let a kid know they've got someone in their corner. Though I love all the characters, I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that Jacks is my favorite. I was smitten the moment she took off her witchy cape and revealed a punny shirt and crocs. She's tough and crotchety in all the best ways, but also caring and soft. She's a character full of surprises and contradictions and gives so much life to everything she loves. The illustrations are also wonderful. The expressions on the characters faces are always spot on and invoke so much emotion. There are also lots of little details in the illustrations I love - how Leyh makes the trailer park a homey place, captures the true spirit of opossums, and gives Jacks lots of great shirts. At the end of the book Leyh talks about her process and shows the reader some character sketches. While reading this I wondered if Leyh tried to become each of her characters for a week or two at a time, and after looking at her character sketches I'm now convinced of this. 

Vesper Flights by Helen Macdonald (Adult Nonfiction)

I enjoyed the variety of the essays, the beautiful language, and the vein of humor and delight running throughout Macdonald's adventures. I am amazed with how well Macdonald wraps up each essay. Her essay endings were tidy, circular, soulful, and oftentimes raised more questions, even though they wrapped up so neatly. Think of people who professionally wrap presents and that's exactly how Macdonald wraps up her essays (pun totally intended). I've never had the end of an essay affect me so deeply, and there were several that did this. 

Her essays are the everlasting gobstoppers of the essay world. Her yearning to smooth the wrinkles out of this world and preserve its sacred spaces will overwhelm you at times and leave you forever mulling over her words. Her descriptions are like pops of art scattered throughout. In the essay, Nest, she writes, "One was a chaffinch nest I could balance in the palm of my hand, a thing of horsehair and moss, pale scabs of lichen and moulted pigeon feathers..." In another essay, Sex, Death, Mushrooms, she plants a beautiful metaphor: "Soon Nick and I come across scores of mushrooms set in ragged half-circles, their broad tops like cooling milky coffees inexplicably placed among dead leaves." 

She gave words to feelings I hadn't yet acknowledged, let alone described. There were moments where it felt like she was holding up binoculars and looking straight into my very being. Her essay about Field Guides captures this best, especially the line, "Field guides made possible the joy of encountering a thing I already knew but had never seen before." 

And I can't forget about the moments where I gasped with wonder - when she makes clucking noises while holding a falcon egg close to her mouth, and the ready-to-hatch chick calls back. When she writes that "...in Baltic mythology, mushrooms were thought to be the fingers of the god of the dead bursting through the ground to feed the poor." How do I not caress every mushroom I see after reading that? 

Vesper Flights is a beautiful ode to nature and the preservation of it. I'm not sure how I can tell you about all my favorite moments without reading you the entire book. If I had to choose a favorite moment, it would be when the swan plopped down next to her in the essay, The Observatory, the body of the swan "so close her wing-feathers were pressed against [her] thighs." If I had to choose a favorite essay, I would choose the one about pushing goats, which was so unexpected and made me laugh until I ran out of breath! I recommend this to anyone who needs to immerse themselves in wonder, for those who want to preserve it, and for anyone who loves Kathleen Dean Moore, Jennifer Ackerman, and Diane Ackerman.

Red Stilts by Ted Kooser (Adult Nonfiction)

The first poem, The Letter, is my favorite, but I don't recommend anyone reading it alone because it's a punch in the gut. He doesn't just recall a memory, he lives it, all while being grounded in the present. When he writes, "Maybe one day I'll come back, in a poem" I can't help but think of all the past places we live in while continuing our lives in the present moment. The poem, Recital, magnifies a small moment when a leaf, encouraged by the wind, plays the tire tracks left by a garbage truck like a piano. Another poem, House Moving, explores a cellar, which has just been opened up after a hundred years: "And the wind, with something new to do, is scouring out the damp rock cellar..." Kooser's humor and joy for life feel like that moment when I notice the twinkling of a small treasure buried in the dirt or leaves while I'm out for a walk. Sometimes I have to stop everything I'm doing and retrace my steps, and sometimes the treasure is the evidence of another person's loss. His observations encourage the reader to give life more attention, to ask our imaginations, "what do you make of that?"

sledding with the dogs

 We started 2021 with lots of snow and sledding!

When we woke up yesterday we only had ice, lots of ice, so we had to wait to go sledding until it snowed for awhile. By then, the whole neighborhood was out sledding so we didn't get much in.

This morning we waited patiently for the sun to come up. As soon as it was light enough outside, we took the dogs out for more sledding. Not a soul was out! It was glorious!

Josie likes to sled but prefers the smaller hills.

Both dogs enjoyed racing us down the hill.

an update with some drool thrown in

December has gone by so fast! I am still working mostly from home. My library system is still open with reduced hours. I've been going in for one or two desk shifts a month. At home I have been doing mostly virtual programs and telephone reference. After months of low attendance, I finally made the decision to merge my monthly teen program with another teen program. It was tough to go from a successful in-person teen program to lots of awkward virtual teen programs where 1-3 teens showed up. It was even tougher to cancel the program.

I co-facilitated my first book club discussion ever - a tween book club discussion, and it was interesting. I'm not sure it's my cup of tea. We have lots of virtual book clubs for both adults and kids and they are hugely successful. I've also started helping out with adult writing programs this past season, which has been a lot of fun, and I just wrapped up my first season of virtual storytimes. This spring I'll take a break from storytimes. Oh how I miss in-person storytimes! If I think about it too long I get a little weepy.

As you can see Josie is a little jealous of Wilbur. But Josie loved doing storytimes. Just like with in-person storytimes, I practiced almost every day. And Josie would practice with me. My storytime area was in Rachel's room, which is upstairs. My office is also upstairs. When I would "go" to work every morning Josie would make a beeline for her storytime bed in Rachel's room. She was always ready to do storytime!

In January I'll be helping give my first ever virtual booktalks for a local high school. I've done in-person booktalks for both high schools and middle schools and they were tough but rewarding. I'm always reading a variety of materials but I've been reading mostly teen books this past month so I'm caught up on the new stuff.

I have lots of art projects going. I'm simultaneously trying out new things while working on my existing skills. I've been able to squeeze in a little more time thanks to Robert working extra long hours, having no kids in the house, and not going anywhere. It's been a good time explore, and during the long hours when I'm alone with the dogs it's nice to have something to keep my mind busy.

Here is my newest collage:

I painted the papers first, chopped everything up, and then spent a lot of happy time moving pieces around until they felt right.

Robert is working more than ever. He officially has his first employee for his computer business and the transition has been been smooth but a lot of work. He's also still managing the athletic timing systems for the school districts around us and has been super duper busy. Hopefully soon he has only the equivalent of a job and a half and we can also start traveling again ; ).

Rachel is still in school. She's going through a tough phase and has distanced herself from us. We've made it clear we're here any time she's ready. And so we wait.

Izzy is doing good. She is still in a residential facility and continues to have behavioral issues relating to the trauma she endured. Due to the continued violent outbursts she still cannot come home and we are working through accepting that she may not ever be able to come back home. Her therapist says consistency and repetition are vital so Robert and I have been talking to her almost every day and doing therapy with her once a week. We practice the same ways to express emotions and deal with behavior over and over again, and I think it's starting to stick just a little. She has a lot of work ahead of her but she is tenacious, hopeful, smart, and has enough enthusiasm for at least five people. She is also passing her classes and learning to take the lead on her IEP  (though still including us every step of the way).

Due to COVID-19 we are still unable to have in-person visits but we were able to visit her outside last week during a warm and sunny day. And Margo and Josie joined us!

When I'm not working I've been enjoying taking the girls out for hikes and walks. They bring the sunshine even on the cloudiest days.

Josie is still a little crazy. She has a lot of energy, but she can also be really mellow.

Josie also smiles! She adores Robert, who has a smidgen more patience for her excessive energy.

Margo is my girl. And I am hers. We have a few rituals. One revolves around tea. After I eat I almost always have a cup of tea. Margo patiently waits until I'm finished eating. When I pick up my tea she creeps over and lays her head in my lap for love. She almost always starts drooling and is very particular about how she gets love. Face then neck then butt. Lots of drool. Repeat repeat repeat. I now keep a little box of tissues nearby for the drool. Sometimes I confuse her and drink tea while I'm still eating or I do something terrible and start reading. When this happens she waits patiently until I figure out whatever terrible mistake I've made and I put the food or book down. She has waited as long as five pages for me to come to my senses. I won't break your heart and tell you how she sometimes waits a long time before throwing herself to the floor in total despair.

birthday happiness

I had one of the best birthdays yesterday. I spent the day texting and chatting with people I love including Rachel singing the happy birthday song. Really! I was napping when she called so I have a voicemail as proof and I'm keeping it forever. Robert's grandma emailed me a happy birthday, I heard from all my writing pals, family, and friends, and spent some time talking to my dad. Scott and Autumn also facetimed me and sang happy birthday!

Robert surprised me with a popcorn maker. I eat what could be considered an ungodly amount of popcorn (if eating it every day counts, that is). I usually eat it alone so I waste a lot. Plus it's made with oil and I've been trying to eat even healthier than I already do. So now I am the proud owner of an air popper. I will still put too much salt on my popcorn, but baby steps, right? Robert also got me a super fun watercolor paint palette. It's going to bring some fun to my sketches (aka blobs of color happiness).

Because I haven't taken any vacation time since November 2019, I'm at the limit, plus I have floating holidays. So I have a ridiculous amount of time off and I'm going to lose it if I don't use it. So I took a few days off, including my birthday. Robert, however, had to work. So off he went to work, and just like any other day, I worked in my office for a bit (but no library work). I had important things to make with my new watercolor set!

After I worked in my office for a bit I took the dogs for a peaceful and joyful hike. Robert met us afterwards for Panera in the car. I'm pretty sure a nap is the only thing that can result from eating bread and mac n cheese, which is exactly what I did after I got home and brushed the dogs.

Robert surprised me with sushi and frozen custard with more gummy worms than custard for dinner. There were so many gummy worms I never made it to the custard!

It was such a great day. Thanks to the 40 million gummy worms I ate, I didn't get much sleep last night, and I'm back to eating super healthy today. I briefly had a touch of the post-birthday grumps, but there were cards from family in the mailbox so the smile is back! I feel so loved and blessed.

And they're off!

 Josie, Margo, and I took a sleety, snowy hike today and it was pretty great.a

The sound you are hearing is sleet! Josie and Margo loved it!

Geese!