Saturday, September 27, 2014

Pardon me, Mr. Jimmy Durante

Just now, I discovered that a patron who frequents my library sounds a little like Mr. Jimmy Durante.

This particularly charming patron always seems to be losing his prayer cards and can be rather threatening as he demands that the staff scour the building to find them.  He points his elderly yet surprisingly scary finger in our faces and tells us that they could be in this book or that book or any book really and that we should keep looking until we find whatever precious card that is lost that particular day.  

We usually end up finding the prayer cards in our bloodiest mystery books, pictures of glowing Marys surrounded by words like knife and punctured and f*** you Roy there’s only part of him in this dumpster.  

Whenever the prayer cards cannot be found, the patron insists we haven't checked everything in a singsong Durante voice that is totally code for Are you hiding my prayer cards from me?  


  1. Okay my comment disappeared which means I will have to recreate my little burst of genius which will be difficult.

  2. Nor will it be just as funny...... bah humbug furuncle....

  3. Since prayer cards are mass produced for the faithful why can't he just get another prayer card from the Catholic Church? Not unless they were sprinkled with holy water. Nah they can't be sprinkled with holy water because little burst of fire would occur in the books he left his prayer cards in.

  4. I've been wondering about those 'cigarette burns' I keep seeing in those books.