Blooms & Bulbs

I cannot keep up with life at the moment.  There's a lot of chaos - the good, the murky, the unknown.  A lot of creating what I think is a rhythm, but within days I'm scrambling to once again to try out another rhythm.  It feels a lot like it did way back when I was clawing my way through my undergrad degree while cobbling together enough money to pay for it with half a dozen jobs.  This time around I'm a little more set in my ways or at least the idea of having a set of ways.  

My spring classes are almost over, and I will have a small break for a couple weeks before my summer class.  Library work is still very much an intrinsic part of my being.  I get through entire days now where I don't mourn the loss of my job as a youth information specialist.  I'm honestly just too busy.  I have two semesters left of my degree, and it will be both a relief and another loss, even as I gain something that could be used as a bridge to that part of myself if I choose to use it later.

I still feel like I'm floundering at work some days as a business owner.  The gal I work with, J, started humming the muffin man one day, and I had to chuckle at the hilarity of it.  The two worlds of the library and a personalization business briefly collided.  Not that I ever sang the muffin man during my storytimes!  I so enjoy working with J and the work we do.  I thought Robert was one of the best teachers with the most patience, but J almost has him beat.  I only recently discovered that instead of winging it and trimming later (which still works best sometimes) when I cut metal for plaques, I can measure first and may not need to trim later.  Imagine working with someone who is so slow to these realizations!  But J is patient with me as I learn the work.  Robert is patient with me as I learn the accounting.  And we have all learned the new laser and sand carving machines together.  Next week we learn how to use a UV printer.  The building updates are almost complete too.  My hope is that by the end of the summer I know a little bit more, and we are dividing up the production tasks more equally.  I think this will go a long way with feeling like I am contributing and less like I'm gobbling up so much time learning everything.  

I was accepted for two upcoming art fairs, which has taken up a surprising amount of time and space in our house as we prepare.  These will be my first solo fairs.  I not only have a few new pieces, but also prints!  The first art fair will be in Springfield, MO, which is a very special place for me.  The second will be in Topeka, KS, which is closer to home.  I'm excited to learn more and soak up all the art energy.  

My experiences with family recently have been in the toilet, so I won't dwell too much on that.  I also have not written anything other than papers for months now.  Writing has always been a challenge for me, and recently it's been hard as heck.  I sit down to write, and I usually just cry it all out.  I think the only other time my brain has been so taxed was when I fought my way through math in college.  And I can't think of another time when my brain, when not focused on all the learning at work, has been so preoccupied with what feels like a losing battle with my longtime pal, the serenity prayer. 

I think my current plan is to ride the waves of chaos until mid-summer or so, which is when it sounds like I may have some time to take a step back and take a deeper look at things.  It's so important to me to take time to reflect on all the special moments in life, and I recognize I've struggled to do that for several months now.  Hopefully, I can get into a rhythm mid-summer or so.  For now, it's enough to embrace everything that's blooming at the moment and let go of staring at the dirt where I know dozens of bulbs have been planted over the years.