awkward rambles from planet awkward

After more than two years, in-person storytimes have started back up again at my library system.  I have been excited, nervous as hell, and planning and practicing in most of my spare time. 

I decided to change a lot of things for my return to storytime.  Before the pandemic, I hauled an ancient TV to the storytime room each week so parents could see the lyrics, early literacy skills, and other storytime information.  It also helped me stay on track since I didn't memorize my entire plan.  

While doing virtual storytimes I was delightfully surprised to discover I could memorize an entire plan.  I also knew I could write out my lyrics on a giant paper pad or the white board for parents.  Plus I planned to make fewer changes each week.  My past storytimes involved one or two different songs and a new yoga pose/mediation activity and ASL sign each week. Too much!

I decided the first thing to go was the TV once I came back from the pandemic.

The second thing to go was recorded music.  Prior to the pandemic, I checked out a ukulele from the library (we used to have them for checkout!).  The day before we were told to go home and everything shut down, the ukulele arrived like some kind of sign.  So I learned how to play about twenty storytime songs during the pandemic.  I spent one year teaching myself and another taking lessons to make sure I was doing each song right and to my surprise, learn different ways to play each of them.  One instructor even helped me with my voice.  I have always had this wonderful sometimes on-key, sometimes off-key approach to singing, but with a ukulele, the need to sing on-key has become more important.  

I also decided I didn't want to deal with puppets this time around.  I spent so much time talking to myself during virtual storytimes, I can't look a puppet in the eye without feeling a little claustrophobic and angsty.  I know, I know.  Each puppet is their own character.  As you can see, I also still need a lot of practice, and I don't have time for that at the moment.  

So I spent a month creating what I thought was the most perfect family storytime plan.  I picked out most of my books for the entire season, found one new activity (usually a song) to introduce each week, figured out how to set up the room, and practiced my heart out.

My first storytime was a disaster.  Thankfully, we decided to do back-to-back storytimes at my branch, so I had another chance.  The second session went much better, but only because I made an uncharacteristic move to toss a lot of things from the first storytime and go with other things I still had mostly memorized from long ago.  

I struggled to engage the kids when we weren't reading books, and I remember it distinctly being the other way around prior to the pandemic.  Kids were running everywhere.  My large, A-Frame storytime felt/magnetic board suddenly sprouted a safety hazard (a tray that slightly shifts, therefore a pinching hazard) that hadn't been discovered the three years I used it prior to the pandemic.

And nobody really knew I existed unless I was reading the books.  

I also really struggled with nerves while playing the ukulele.  So much so that after bumbling through one song, a parent suggested a different one, which I thankfully played well.  That was a small, proud moment.

I played the ukulele some while we waited to walk to storytime, which is in the large meeting room on the opposite side of the library due to wanting to spread out some.  

So yea, thank goodness I memorized all those storytime songs.  Now, when I mess up the one I practice every day, and a parent asks for a different one, I can play it perfectly and win back their respect.  

I can't make this up!  I've been awkward since I was born, but with a blinding enthusiasm that propels me into really unusual situations awkward introverts don't normally find themselves in.  

After my first week, I looked at my family storytime plan and tossed most of it.  I also told myself that I needed to embrace the toddler enthusiasm.  If I was going to get mostly younger kids, I needed to not only prep my plan but be mentally prepared too.  This meant I needed to bring out my loud voice, which I unearthed during the second session of that first storytime.  

The second storytime (both sessions) were a success.  I still need to practice walking both forwards and backwards while playing the ukulele, and also spinning very slowly.  Who knew that playing the ukulele while moving was going to be difficult for someone who is neither graceful or musically-inclined?

Thank goodness I'm a sucker for growth and looking like a fool while I painfully and awkwardly evolve.    

This week there were smiles (so many smiles), kids who were mostly engaged in both books and activities.  They adored the first book, slogged through the second while the wiggles slowly crept in, and the third book just didn't happen.  We may never get to the third book this season, and that's ok.  

I also took time to really enjoy myself, and when things got hectic, I put to use some quieting down rhymes from long ago.  We stuck mostly to the plan, and I have more changes to make, but these changes feel more like the small changes I used to make after each storytime, and not ones that had me questioning everything I've done in life to lead up to this moment.  A little dramatic, maybe.  

So here I am, two weeks into storytime season, and I think I'm finally ready and now I just need to turn all my enthusiasm into storytime gold.  And scare my dogs practicing to talk really LOUDLY while playing the ukulele and walking backwards.  I was born for this.

I will share the most current copy of my plan, which is very floppy for lack of a better word. I'm pretty much doing this storytime thing with an organic approach, which is something my favorite storytimers do and I have admired since the very beginning.  You know the storytimers who walk into storytime with a bag of books and based on their audience, they just wing it?  I think I'm one step closer and only about 1,000 storytimes way from doing that.  

Excuse my wonky formatting.  The highlighted portions are things to do when the kids are really engaged and all they’ve gotten all their wiggles out. 

09/23 Birthdays

Hello song: You Are Here Today (tune: The Farmer in the Dell)

You are here today X2

Let’s give a cheer for all to hear

‘Cause you are here today

 

I am here today...

We are here today...

Names?

Leaf Song (tune: Are You Sleeping)

Leaves are twirling,
Leaves are twirling,
all around, all around.

They are falling softly,
very, very softly,
to the ground, to the ground.

Quiet Song: Read With Me (tune: Are You Sleeping)

are you ready

for a story

let’s sit down

quietly

with our listening ears

and our eyes that see

read with me

Book #1: The Secret Birthday Message by Eric Carle

Chant: Show me a one

 

Show me a one

One

You got your one you got your one

 

2-10

Magnetic Board Activity: Counting Cake Layers

OR 

Rhyme : Pat-a-Cake

Pat-a-Cake

Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake (clap hands and tap thighs)

Baker’s man

Bake me a cake as fast as you can

Roll it (roll arms)

Pat it (tap thighs)

And mark it with a B (draw B on child’s stomach or hand)

And put it in the oven for you and me

Mindful Moment: Finger Fiddle

Take a few deep breaths (hot chocolate breaths)

Breathe in through nose

Breathe out through mouth and roar like a lion

Press the fingertips of both hands together

in front of your chest

Tap your thumbs together five times

 

Pointer
Middle

Ring

Pinkie

 

Shake out your hands and wiggle your fingers

Book #2: Bears and a Birthday by Shirley Parenteau and illustrated by David Walker

Song: Passing Shaker Eggs (to the tune of The Farmer in the Dell)

It’s time to take an egg X2
          it’s time to take an egg today.
          It's time to take an egg.

Shaker Eggs Intro:

soft or loud

right hand then left hand

count to ten with our shaker eggs

up down right left

shake our eggs behind our backs

jump up and down and shake them at the same time

Puzzle Song (tune: Hush Little Baby) (incorporate shaker eggs)

Rainbow purple

Rainbow blue

Rainbow green and yellow too

Rainbow orange rainbow red

Rainbow smiles we will spread

Song: Roly Poly to the tune of “Are You Sleeping”

Roly Poly Roly Poly

Up Up Up

Up Up Up

Roly Roly Poly Roly Roly Poly

Down Down Down

Down Down Down

Roly Poly Roly Poly

Out Out Out

Out Out Out

Roly Roly Poly Roly Roly Poly

In In In

In In In

Roly Poly Roly Poly

Fast Fast Fast

Fast Fast Fast

Roly Roly Poly Roly Roly Poly

Slow Slow Slow

Slow Slow Slow

Quiet Song: Open Shut Them

 

Open shut them

Open shut them give a little clap

Open shut them

Open shut them, lay them in your lap

Creep them, creep them

Creep them, creep them, right up to your chin

Open wide your little mouth, but do not let them in

Now this time let's sing it a little bit faster

Here we go

Open shut them

Open shut them give a little clap

Open shut them

Open shut them, lay them in your lap

Creep them, creep them

Creep them, creep them, right up to your chin

Open wide your little mouth, but do not let them in 

Book #3: When’s My Birthday by Julie Fogliano and illustrated by Christian Robinson

Vote for favorite book

Goodbye Rhyme:

See you later, alligator

Gotta go, buffalo

See you soon, raccoon

Take care, polar bear

Bye bye, butterfly

Toodle-loo, kangaroo

Give a hug, ladybug

Blow a kiss, goldfish 

Goodbye Song

 

We clap our hands like this. X2

We clap our hands 

for all our friends. 

We clap our hands like this. 

 

We stomp our feet like this. X2

We stomp our feet 

for all our friends.

We stomp our feet like this. 

 

We wave goodbye like this. X2

We wave our hands 

for all our friends.

We wave goodbye like this.     

Goose Face

Today, while walking into the library, a patron waiting for it to open said I had a nice smile and it was going to bring others joy today.  Odd thing to say, but who was I to judge?  Prior to his comment, I had been strolling along, gawking at the sky, which was filled with geese.  So I had my "goose face" on.  If my face looks anything like how I feel when geese are thundering overhead, pooping and honking their hearts out, then it had to be a look of total joy.  

Later, while I was on the desk and feeling very small in comparison to my to-do list, a patron came up and said I had the best smile.  It was a déjà vu moment, which made me remember the gentleman's nice but strange premonition from earlier.

Reviews!

The Ride of Her Life by Elizabeth Letts (Adult Nonfiction)

You will not be disappointed in Annie Wilkin’s journey across the United States in 1954 with her horses, Rex and Tarzan, and her dog, Depeche Toi. Annie is 63, cannot work her farm anymore due to her poor health, and her doctor has just given her the grim news that she may only have a couple years left to live. Rather than accepting the charity of others and settling into a nursing home, she grows one last cucumber crop, buys a horse with the money she makes from it, and sets out from her home state of Maine to see the Pacific Ocean before she dies. Her journey is treacherous (nasty weather, tiny roads, reckless drivers, and people who close their doors on her), but it’s also incredibly hopeful, inspirational, and filled with the kindness of strangers. I most enjoyed the snippets about the friendship among the animals, the many interesting people Annie meets along the way, and the moments of contemplation and gratitude woven throughout Annie’s journey.

Once Upon a Wardrobe by Patii Callahan Henry (Adult Fiction)

It’s 1950, and 17 year-old Megs knows the doctors have done everything they can for her brother, 7 year-old George, who is dying of a heart defect.  George has just read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, and though he is a voracious reader who loves lots of books, the first book of the Narnia series is special to him.  When George asks Megs if Narnia is real, she decides to ask C.S. Lewis AKA Jack Lewis, who teaches at the university she attends.  This is the beginning of a wonderful friendship between Megs and C.S. Lewis, who answers her questions with more stories.  As a mathematics major, Megs initially wants concrete answers to George’s questions rather than additional stories.  As she jots down C.S. Lewis’ stories and her brother, George illustrates them, they unknowingly write a special book together.  

This is both a comforting and sad story, the kind of story you wrap yourself up in, and just like The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, completely lose yourself in.  I particularly enjoyed the relationships.  Megs was very close to her brother and their interactions were beautiful and heartbreaking.  Megs also befriends another student, Padraig, who eventually becomes an important character in Megs and George’s lives.  

I did not want this book to end.  I cried at the end, not just for George and his family, but also because I couldn’t let this book go.  Though this is historical fiction, there are some moments of truth sprinkled in. I’m definitely going on a wild goose chase to find out more about both Patti Callahan and C.S. Lewis’ life.  Though I think it’s important that readers are familiar with The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, I don’t think it’s a must to enjoy this book.  I recommend this to anyone who is willing to shed a few tears for a cozy, beautifully written, vivid story that’s rich in details and filled with strong characters whose love for one another is everything.

Favorite quotes:

“George takes something of this world and travels to another, as if the story world and the real world run right alongside each other.”

“Jack became so immersed in the story world that he glimpsed it out of the corner of his eye in the real world.”

“…and the sunlight runs across the spider webs like messengers from tree to tree…”

“…like a dream making itself in the night.”

“I’d believed – fool that I was - that because I knew this end was coming, I was prepared, that I would not grieve as I had.  As if one can pre-grieve and get it out of the way.  It’s not true.  Grief is the price I paid for loving fiercely, and that was okay, because there was no other choice but to love fiercely and fully.”

The John O’Donohue quote: “A book is a path of words that takes the heart in new directions.”

Big Problems, Little Problems by Ben Feller and illustrated by Mercè López (Picture Book)

Big Problems, Little Problems spotlights a comforting ritual between a father and son that happens each time they work through one of their problems. An excellent read that includes problem-solving, acknowledgement of emotions, and vocabulary-building. What is the difference between a big problem and a little problem? The author, Feller, doesn’t say it outright, but each time dad and son work through their problems and find solutions, big problems always become little problems.

Time Capsule by Lauren Redniss (Picture Book)

I really enjoyed the simplicity in both the writing and illustrations. It wasn’t a particularly interesting time capsule, but time capsules are sometimes a personal thing. And Redniss’ illustrations of even the most mundane items are exquisite and interesting. I thought the addition of both a nightmare and dream were interesting, and I had fun wondering how they would be portrayed in a physical way that would fit in a jar. Included in the back is a fun activity for making your own time capsule.

career options

My first book-related question this morning was from a mom asking for books about being a chef for her toddler. As we were walking to that section, the mom nonchalantly asked for books on demolition too.

 “We really just need any kinds of books about blowing stuff up.”

When I asked her toddler if the books were for her, she smiled sweetly at me and nodded her head yes.

Night of the Living Rock

A couple mornings ago, the children's side of the library was busy.  It was the day before our in-person storytimes started, so I'm not sure why we had more littles than normal.  

I began the morning helping an elderly gentleman on the copier.  A little while later, he came scurrying back over, clearly excited.  He was in his late seventies or eighties and the children's side was packed with toddlers, but I kid you not.  This man scurried.  Through a sea of wobbly toddlers.

He lifted a pale green rock from his shirt pocket, a pendulum he called it, and with an audience of toddlers, proceeded to explain how the pendulum moved differently when he said his name versus when he said my name. After a couple minutes of this, I used my most official voice to let him know the kiddos were patiently waiting for their stickers and if he needed help with anything else (copier related) to let me know. All the toddlers felt very important (as they should) that their need for stickers was suddenly top priority. The gentleman placed a strange rock with a sheet of paper explaining it on my desk.

"For you," he said before politely excusing himself and leaving. 

I read about the rock and thought it sounded fascinating.  A rock that encourages memories to pop up during dreams among other peculiar abilities.  Definitely a curious and rather heavy gift to express appreciation for convincing the copier to copy his papers.  I shared the rock with my coworkers throughout the day and decided to figure out what to do with the rock the next day.  Yesterday I carried it around with me until I got to my car, when I finally took it out of my pocket.  I came up with a plan to carry it with me on my next walk until I found a nice spot to leave it for another person to enjoy.  It was perfectly smooth with flecks of a gold color running through.  A lovely rock.

Or so I thought.

I believe I've mentioned this a time or two, but for many years I struggled with sleep paralysis.  When I gave up dairy over a year ago, my sleep paralysis was one of the things to immediately disappear.  Such a big relief!  I still don't know what the connection is between dairy and sleep paralysis, but I'm not going to argue with success.

Well last night I had an unmemorable dream, woke up running and completely disoriented and had no idea where I was.  Not sleep paralysis, but pretty darn terrifying.  I beat myself up pretty good running into things and conked my head.  No major injuries though.  Just some mangled lips and I sliced off part of my palm somehow.  I couldn't walk both dogs due to the strange palm injury, so I took Margo for a solo walk this morning to process all the heavy feelings I was trying to work through.  Margo, my total wimp of a dog, it should be noted, came immediately to my rescue last night.

I ran through my mental list of emotions and the first emotion I settled on was embarrassment.  People are going to notice today and I don't have a good story.  Who ever has a good story when they have an injury?  I wonder if there are statistics on how many times a person is actually doing something valiant or life-changing when they injure themselves.  Usually everyone I talk to fell down the stairs, broke a toe kicking a shoe off, or tripped over their dog.  So I quickly got past the embarrassment.  Told myself to use any questions I get today as a way to make others smile.  You know, the whole, "you should see the other guy" spiel.  But hopefully with a more creative spin once my head injury goes away. 

I also felt fear, which was the biggest emotion I was feeling.  Even when I was struggling with sleep paralysis, I never had any physical injuries from it.  The sleep running brought up memories of one of my brothers, who used to sleepwalk when we were kids.  It was terrifying.  We were constantly scared he was going to get hurt.  But I wasn't really sleepwalking.  I had injured myself dreaming.

I think a larger portion of my fear was due to being completely disoriented and not knowing where I was.  I also felt like I was falling, which at some point I certainly was, but the feeling of falling continued after that.  It made me think about getting older and how I very well may not know where or who I am someday.  That there's a possibility to feel out of touch with my reality but also have the awareness that I'm out of touch with it. 

The whole time I was working through these feelings Margo was oblivious to my turmoil.  She was absolutely thrilled to have me to herself.  She likes to nudge my hand while we walk, sometimes to tell me to go another way (to a fountain or water bowl usually) or to let me know she approves of something we just did (stopping for a cookie at the hardware store).  Today she kept smacking my good hand around nearly the whole walk, prancing and dancing so much we could hardly walk in a straight line.  

As we started walking up our street to go home I remembered the rock in my car.  

I'm all sorts of superstitious.  I sometimes pretend like I'm not, which then gives me anxiety because pretending I'm not superstitious is the worst time to not be true to myself.  There aren't always repercussions for not being true to yourself, but this is not one of those times.  

Could this strange dream adventure have something to do with the rock?  

Now, what do I do with it?  Robert suggested putting it in his mom's rock garden, which is an interesting suggestion I'll be thinking about but not heeding.  My walk idea is also bust.  I can't just leave the rock for some unsuspecting child to pick up.  

I feel like I've suddenly been tossed into a Goosebumps book and I don't like it one bit.     

I could read a Goosebumps book to figure out what to do with the rock.  But I think the terrifying things Stine comes up with never die.  So yea, I'm going to be tormented by a rock for the rest of my life because I helped someone on the copier.  

painted papers collage

Thanks to my love for tea papers, I don't spend nearly enough time making painted paper collages, which I started doing long before the tea papers collages.  This piece really spoke to me and nurtured the intense joy I feel when I immerse myself in colors.  I can't wait to make another one.  It's for sale on Etsy.

Moody Zen

I just finished this sometimes cathartic, sometimes fussy zen piece.  I knew using satin floss for the black French knots would be tricky, but tricky turned into fussy really fast.  Thankfully, the knots turned out to be just a little bit shiny and they more than make up for the fuss with their shine.  This piece is for sale on Etsy.

From a distance the black French knots look like beads.  Up close you can see all the pain and suffering they caused me hard work that went into controlling the satin floss.

a few poems and publications

A few publications to share:

Thanks to Cider Review Press for publishing my poem, Grandma's House, a poem that still kicks me in the pants when I read it.  

Thanks to Cerasus Magazine for publishing my poems, Sketching the Void and Freedom from Toxic Relationships in their beautiful journal.  You can purchase it here.  Sketching the Void is one of my favorite poems.  It's a peek into my creative process, which is a spoiler alert, but a small one.  Freedom from Toxic Relationships is a library poem (surprise, surprise).  Getting it published is a nice reminder to keep jotting down all the extraordinary moments I witness and am a part of at the library.

Thanks to The Rail for publishing my poems, The Basement, The Drummer, and The EXIT Sign.  I am particularly excited about The Basement, which is a poem about my grandparent's basement where two of my brothers and I spent countless hours playing.

A lot of love and time went into these poems, and it means so much to me to share them with others.