Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Bam Wait

What's been going on here?

Well somebody finally noticed my brooding scientist walk. They said that I had a joyful walk, which is probably code for you walk like a damn fruit cake, but I was still flattered.

Red Rain. This is the closest I'll ever get to a sexy song. I can only hope I play tennis the way this sounds. Like Bam da da da da Bam. A little pause and then Bam.

Oh Mississippi. I feel like Mississippi sometimes.

THE MURDER OF TWO MEN BY A YOUNG KID WEARING LEMON-COLORED GLOVES. Yes I am yelling at you. But I was nice. I didn't italicize.

G6. Hi my name is Hannah Jane and I have a problem. I am addicted to G6 even though I have no idea what the hell that means.

Royal T. Who doesn't love Róisín Murphy? And this song has the most fantastic noises. At times I feel like I'm underwater.


  1. I like your walk :) It is rather cheerful! It's not one of those Slum-ish, depressy walks. I've seen those people... I think they are called Emos... They walk like they have sooooooooo many issues. Wait til they grow up and have bills to pay XD

    I miss having PE with you. You play wonderfully. Meanwhile, I sucked. XD

    And Lemon colored Gloves??? I want a pair!

    Miss you much Hannah!



    Don't be fooled by me.
    Don't be fooled by the face I wear
    For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks-
    masks that I'm afraid to take off
    and none of them are me.
    Pretending is an art that's second nature with me
    but don't be fooled,
    for God's sake, don't be fooled.
    I give you the impression that I'm secure
    That all is sunny and unruffled with me
    within as well as without,
    that confidence is my name
    and coolness my game,
    that the water's calm
    and I'm in command,
    and that I need no one.
    But don't believe me. Please!

    My surface may be smooth but my surface is my mask,
    My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.
    Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
    Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.
    But I hide this.
    I don't want anybody to know it.
    I panic at the thought of my
    and fear exposing them.
    That's why I frantically create my masks
    to hide behind.
    They're nonchalant, sophisticated facades
    to help me pretend,
    To shield me from the glance that
    But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
    my only salvation,
    and I know it.

    That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
    and if it's followed by love.
    It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
    from my own self-built prison walls

    I dislike hiding, honestly
    I dislike the superficial game I'm playing,
    the superficial phony game.
    I'd really like to be genuine and me.
    But I need your help, your hand to hold
    Even though my masks would tell you otherwise
    That glance from you is the only thing that assures me
    of what I can't assure myself,
    that I'm really worth something.

    But I don't tell you this.
    I don't dare.
    I'm afraid to.
    I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh
    and your laugh would kill me.
    I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing,
    that I'm just no good
    and you will see this and reject me.

    So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
    With a facade of assurance without,
    And a trembling child within.
    So begins the parade of masks,

    The glittering but empty parade of masks,
    and my life becomes a front.
    I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk.
    I tell you everything that's nothing
    and nothing of what's everything,
    of what's crying within me.
    So when I'm going through my routine
    do not be fooled by what I'm saying
    Please listen carefully and try to hear
    what I'm not saying
    Hear what I'd like to say
    but what I can not say.

    It will not be easy for you,
    long felt inadequacies make my defenses strong.
    The nearer you approach me
    the blinder I may strike back.
    Despite what books say of men, I am irrational;
    I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.
    you wonder who I am
    you shouldn't
    for I am everyman
    and everywoman
    who wears a mask.
    Don't be fooled by me.
    At least not by the face I wear.


    Remember Hannah?